It’s not easy being snarky.
Living the snark life.
People think it is, but it’s not.
First off, there’s that whole ‘what is snark?’ thing that we snarks have to deal with. Is it sarcasm? Is it negativity? Or is it just being nasty to people?
(If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.)
My feeling is – you’re either born this way or you’re not. You don’t choose snark. You can’t force it. You can’t teach snark, anymore than you can teach funny. You’ve either got it, or you don’t.
Besides, people can spot a fake snark a mile away.
I once sat next to a woman at a conference and she went off on snarks, under the clearly incorrect assumption that I wasn’t one.
See, you can’t tell a snark just by looking at us. We look like everyone else. When she finished her diatribe against us, I simply smirked, threw my water glass in her face, did a little table throw, and sashayed over to the bar for a vodka martini – shaken, not stirred.
I’m thinking that’s the last time she’ll judge a snark by its cover.
When my first book came out, the #1 bestselling A Walk In The Snark, someone left a 1-star review, complaining it was too sarcastic. That made me happy. It’s not called A Walk in the Unicorns and Rainbows, sweeties.
Besides, my unicorn is a dumbass.
Yes, yes, we know the origin of the word snark. (You tell us all the time, every day and we laugh and laugh.) Like we wouldn’t know. Please.
It’s not that we think we know everything. We know we don’t. We’re just…confident in our thoughts and opinions.
Some people think we’re cocky. One guy called me a misandrist bitch. I’m pretty sure he didn’t realize he was being ironic.
Unicorns and rainbow people (identifiable by their rosy-cheeked, smiling faces and constant spewing of ‘You don’t know until you try!’ core phrases) somehow mistakenly have this notion that snarky people are negative.
I’m not negative. I’m snarky. There’s a difference: negative people see the glass half empty. I see a martini.
Living this life is not a walk in the, um, park. There are certain misperceptions about snarks. People always expect us to be on. They think we’re unfeeling, hard dillholes who couldn’t care less about your issues. Which isn’t true at all. We’re quite interested…no, we’re mesmerized by your thoughts and feelings. Mostly because we need material but…
We give you plenty of warnings that our sense of humor and lifestyle isn’t for everyone, yet still you persist in wanting to know more. Is it our fault you can’t handle the snark?
So here we are, at the end of the rainbow, you all full of your disillusioned disappointment to not find a pot of gold; while we snarks have been telling you that not only do leprechauns not exist, that whole pot of gold thing is a bunch of magical hoo-ha made up by The Man to keep you in your place. And stuff.
Everyone knows you’ll find it in your daily book of positive quotes and sayings you insist on sharing with everyone you know on social media. We don’t judge you for believing in all that fucked up positivity crap.
There’s so much humor in everyday life. Snarks find it, turn it around, and look at it from all sides aka deconstructing, to find the best laugh. We don’t take it personally if some people don’t get it.
It’s our snark to bear.
Please share your thoughts, feelings and comments below. Rachel is enough of a narcissistic bitch to be mesmerized by them all so she can squirrel them away for days when nobody comments and she can roll up in a ball of positivity waiting for her inner snark to come out.
If you want to learn how to take your blog to book, join Rachel this upcoming Tuesday, 4/17 at 11am EST as she leads the @Triberr webinar via Webex. Everyone is welcome, whether you’re in Triberr or not. Click here for more details or to register.
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