Yes, Please Hit On Me. That Must Be Why I’m Here, Right?

Yes, Please Hit On Me. That’s Why I’m Here, Right?

courtesy of Google Images

 

I’m not sure when Twitter, Facebook, Google+, or Pinterest became trolling places for sex, but lately it seems almost every time I check one or the other, some guy is propositioning me, sending me naughty pix (ewww), or asking me something completely inappropriate (I’m thinking ‘Want to play in my dungeon?’ is maybe a euphemism for sex?).

 

WTH?

 

And before you think I think I’m all that, get real. This is happening to women everywhere.

 

Some prime examples:

 

  • GUY #1: Requests friendship on Facebook. Fine, whatever. I get probably 5-10/day on my personal account. I approve him because it says we have some mutual friends. As soon as I hit add, he’s sent me a private message asking if he can see me naked on Skype.

 

Um, what gave you that idea, dude? Perhaps my marital status: married? Or maybe that I share book info, resources on branding and marketing, and funny stuff about my family and my husband? Or is it that all redheads are … nope. Not even gonna go there.

 

Yea, he must be able to tell by my picture that I’m a wanton slut who performs sex tricks on camera for men.

 

Clearly, he didn’t read anything about me. That would take too much of his time. It must just be easier to proposition a total stranger. I suppose someone, at some point, will say yes?

 

  • GUY #2: Friends me on Google+. Adds me to his ‘girls having sex’ stream. Particularly fun was #ThongThursday. Yea, it’s what you think (the pic of Catwoman with nothing on but ears and a thong with a tail? Um, no.) Listen, I’m no prude and I think the human body is beautiful. And no offense to any of my lesbian and homosexual friends, but I want to look at that about as much as you want to see my husband and I going at it. So, no.

 

It gets better. I mute him and uncircle, and he sends me a message! Why did you uncircle me?

 

Der.

 

  • GUY #3: Guy on Twitter sends me a DM of his junk. Now this guy acted a decent sort, I had no warning this was, er, headed my way. On a good day, I don’t want to look at that mess. But on a day where I have a migraine and I’m working on client stuff and my own writing…well, let’s just say he hadn’t manscaped.

 

Honestly, I threw up a little in my mouth at that one.

 

  • GUY #4: Different guy on Twitter. Okay, this happened a while ago but still makes me cringe. As people do on Twitter, we form little circles of friends who comment on each other’s updates. It’s not planned, or some sort of secret handshake exclusive clique, it’s just the same folks who seem to jump in.

 

So one of the group, a funny, seemingly nice guy, sends me a DM asking if I’d ever heard of (some funny sounding site). I tell him no. He sends me the link with a code.

 

It’s an Australian sex site, and the code gave me access to his VIP account, where the avatars are ‘anatomically correct.’

 

Well, thank you Big Spender. Way to impress.

 

After I stopped laughing, I blocked his ass so fast he didn’t know what happened. For months, he sent messages asking me to unblock him. Give it up, dude.

 

  • GUY #5: Starts asking me questions in DM. Personal, inappropriate questions about my life. I tell him no thanks, He asks if I’m single. I tell him none of his business. He then scolds me at that point for not putting that I’m unavailable in my Twitter bio.

 

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I could be a person who doesn’t have to spell out that I’m not available for sex just because I’m female. I must have missed that memo.

 

If I were being compassionate, I’d say these are sad, little men who are dissatisfied with their lives. But I’m usually not being compassionate, because their trolling becomes my problem when they hit me up.

 

Is it offensive or simply laughable?

 

I must say, for all the weirdos (all now blocked and reported, of course), I’ve met lovely, amazing friends, both male and female. Some I’ve met in real life, and they’re awesome. I work with some really wonderful men and I’m not stereotyping that all men do this, so put away your scary teeth.

 

My husband says I need to put up a picture of myself where I’m tired, headachy, with no makeup. But, no. Why should I drab up (or down) to avoid this kind of B.S.? That’s like blaming a woman for rape because she wore that sexy red dress (or once, after a manager sexually harassed me, my boss told me I should be flattered I was so ‘cute’). Please.

 

I’m all for light banter, even mild flirting. I’m not offended easily and I’m not a prissy little church lady (I don’t even go to church!). So I guess my question is: at what point did trolling become acceptable, or dare I say, the norm, on social media?

 

I’d love your thoughts.

 

Just no pix, please.

 

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About Rachel Thompson

Rachel Thompson is the author of the award-winning Broken Pieces, as well as two additional humor books, A Walk In The Snark and Mancode: Exposed. She owns BadRedhead Media, creating effective social media and book marketing campaigns for authors. Her articles appear regularly in The Huffington Post, The San Francisco Book Review (BadRedhead Says…), 12Most.com, bitrebels.com, BookPromotion.com, and Self-Publishers Monthly. Rachel is the creator and founder of #MondayBlogs and #SexAbuseChat. She hates walks in the rain, running out of coffee, and coconut. She lives in California with her family.

Buy Now : A Walk in the Snark * Mancode: Exposed * Broken Pieces

Comments

  1. I haven’t received the same level of solicitations you have, thankfully, but I’ve noticed an uptick in random “I would love to meet you” messages in FB and even Goodreads (Really? Really). I used to get a lot of it over IM before the privacy controls got better. I don’t get it. I think it’s offensive because you haven’t asked for it, but I mostly laugh it off. Like you said, apparently it works for someone or else they wouldn’t do it. Usually I just look at it and think, this guy’s an idiot if he actually thinks this email/photo/comment makes me want to know anything more at all about him.

    • Exactly. And no doubt, with all the women posting nude pix of themselves, women can be just as guilty. I think it’s just that men don’t mind so much haha.

      Thanks for commenting, Ash.

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  3. I’m amazed this has happened. Surely the rules that count in an office or company apply equally online, and inappropriate remarks are similar to harassment? And it’s cowardly – you can hardly slaps someone’s face over the ether. I’m sure your husband would like to do far more than that to them.

    • You know, it doesn’t really bother him to be honest. It’s all part and parcel of being on the web, according to him. Of course, he’s hardly ever on social media and he’s not a chick so that’s probably why it doesn’t bother him. ha!

      You would think there would be oh, respect or etiquette, and like I said, most of the guys I interact with a great. I just felt it was high time to write about those who are not.

      thanks for being great, Geoffrey!

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  5. Sandra Bunino says:

    The Goodreads friend requests really crack me up! I love the guys who friend a bunch of women and have NO books on their shelves. Dude, it’s a *book* site. How about pretending to know how to read and add one or two so it’s not so obvious you are a desperate troll? *shakes head*

    Great post, Rach. You always make me smile.

    • Thanks so much, Sandra.

      I agree, Sandra, many guys are just so obvious about it on Goodreads, it’s sad. Some perhaps just can’t figure out the site (it’s not the most user friendly). I’ve met great people online, and several are now real-life best friends, so I’m not against it at all. I LUV social media! But it’s kinda sad when men feel their trolling behavior is acceptable.

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  8. This was just what I needed after having *yet another* (married) man hit on me via email this morning. I don’t know what’s wrong with these people. I can’t help but feel they’d be just as sleazy IRL if no one was looking. Gross.

  9. Oh, ANOTHER thing I don’t need is guys I *have* slept with making public remarks about the experience on one or another of my profiles. Way to ensure there won’t be any repeats, dude.

    • there’s a great Sheryl Crow song called THE BOOK (I read your book. And I find it strange. That I know that girl, and I know her world, a little too well.) which perfectly describes your situation. Some men consider women simply conquests, and that’s so disrespectful.

      Sleazy, yes. No doubt.

      xo

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  21. This sort of sexual harassment is pretty damned ordinary. It is awful. Appalling. And like many other hetero sexual men around the place, I’m a tad jealous that I don’t get any.

    One of my online id’s is rossisawriter – the number of times I get other men hitting me up, thinking that my name is rossia and presumably female, is ridiculous. One idiot was insistent that I must be female (despite my profile saying otherwise) that I turned my cam on, focused on my genitalia. That copped me abuse from him for having ‘tried to’ trick him that I was female.

    It must be something about the Y chromosome that causes mental deficiency in too many of we males.

    • That made me laugh, Ross. But sadly, it’s all too true. Does being women on social media make us a target of trolls? I don’t know. Do men generally have to do w/ this? Perhaps (though I doubt very often).

      One friend said I should enjoy the attention, but I feel that takes away from the issue at hand: that the behavior is inappropriate at best, harassing at worst.

      thanks for your comments!

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  33. More evidence of the imminent idiot apocalypse. They’ll be out shambling down our streets soon, infecting people with some highly contagious form of post-apocalyptic moron virus and then we’ll *all* be turned into shabby little perverts.

    There’s a saying: ‘don’t put anything on the net you wouldn’t be comfortable shouting across a crowded room’. If you expand this nugget of workaday wisdom to ‘don’t behave on the net in a way you wouldn’t be comfortable behaving in a crowded room’ then you’ve pretty much got a guide for how to behave on the internet in less than 20 words.

    Actually in many ways you should behave with *more*, not less, decorum when there aren’t immediate consequences to how you choose to comport yourself. If you can do that, then you have the satisfaction of knowing that *you’re* in charge of your behaviour, not just conforming with expected modes of behaviour.

    Oops, being serious. I’d best stop. ;-)

    Gareth (@dartacus)

    • YES. This, my dearest Gareth. It’s one thing to be friendly, kind, flirty even (think party behavior to use your example), but beyond that the “What was I thinking?” should at some point kick in between shots.

      Just sayin.

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  38. I am sooooo glad I’m not famous enough to garner that kind of attention yet. You should be flattered that you’re so desirable… cute… no wait, never mind. ;0) LOL. Idiots. Blockarama, baby!

    • hehe. I don’t know that I’m famous (please), but more someone who…oh forget it. no matter how I say this, I’ll end up sounding like I’m talking about sex. oy.

      yes. what she said.

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