Just Another Cancer Story by guest @EdenBaylee

May 20, 2013 by 12 Comments

Just Another Cancer Story

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I’m honored to have erotica author and damn fine human Eden Baylee here today to share her experience with cancer. Eden lives in Canada and I’m a huge fan of her books Fall Into Winter and Spring Into Summer – she writes literary erotica (aka what 50 Shades aspires to be). Read, follow, worship.

 

I’d like to thank Rachel for asking me to pen a personal guest post. She’s had incredible writers share their experiences, so I am honored to be here amongst them.

The title of my post is not meant to be disrespectful, however, mine is but one of millions of stories about cancer, neither more nor less significant than any other survivor’s story. The only thing that makes it unique is that it happened to me.

I don’t usually share it publicly for a couple of reasons. The word “survivor” carries an undertone of achievement. It’s as if surviving cancer elevates one to a higher status. I’m not comfortable with that, but it’s clearly my issue. Though I would never downplay cancer as a formidable opponent, I survived because I wasn’t ready to die.

Secondly, cancer does not define me even though it stole almost two years of my life over a decade ago. As with most things of the past, I’ve made my peace with it and moved on.

Today, I continue to share my story with those who are going through treatment. I do it because survivors shared their stories with me when I needed it most. Nothing empowered me more than talking to someone who had endured multiple surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, and countless other treatments and then went on to live life—fearlessly.

For this reason, and for all those who continue to fight, here’s my story.

* * * *

The specialist ignored my request to do a core biopsy. Instead, he did a fine needle aspiration to test for malignancy of the lump I’d found on my breast. It was a test I knew carried a high percentage of inaccuracy.

“Look,” he said, annoyed with my questioning him. “I can tell you right now you don’t have cancer. You have no family history. You’re Asian, and you’re too young.”

In no uncertain terms, he let me know he was doing me a favor by performing any test at all. He was the specialist with letters behind his name, and I was just a scared woman attached to the breast he had to examine. Though I considered him a heartless bastard whose practice had long outlasted his compassion, relief washed over me when my results came back negative for malignancy.

Over the next few weeks, my lump continued to grow. I returned to my general practitioner and asked for a referral to a different specialist. I wanted a second opinion.

I knew my body. Something wasn’t right.

This time, a young female doctor was assigned to me. She confirmed that fine needle biopsies carried a high degree of error and recommended removing the lump. Given its aggressive growth, she didn’t want to waste time doing additional tests. I walked out of the office nervous, but relieved I’d made the decision to have surgery. The thought of a scar didn’t appeal to me, but hell, at the rate the lump was growing, I’d have a third boob in a week if I didn’t have it removed.

* * * *

On the day of the surgery, my best friend drove me to the hospital early in the morning. Everything went as scheduled, and after the anesthesia wore off, I was moved to a private waiting room with my girlfriend. We laughed and chatted about where to go for lunch. I was starving!

The nurse who had prepped me for surgery came in with the doctor carrying some pamphlets—post-surgical care instructions, I thought, but no … they contained information about breast cancer—which I had.

The only thing I remembered hearing was the word “cancer,” and then my girlfriend’s quick intake of breath before she started crying.

It was surreal as I watched the doctor mouthing words “Cancer … metastasis … more surgery … oncology …” and other medical terms I’d never heard of at the time.

Finally, at the end of it, the nurse handed me the pamphlets and asked if I had any questions. Sure I did, I had plenty. But my friend was sobbing, and I couldn’t think straight. The questions would have to wait.

Don’t ever underestimate a hungry woman who’s just been told she has cancer, or her best friend who’s quite reserved until she gets behind the wheel. That day, we hit a hundred in a sixty-kilometer zone, barreling down one of the city’s main arteries in search of comfort food.

“I dare a cop to stop me,” my friend yelled at the top of her lungs. “I’m going to tell him you’ve just been diagnosed with cancer, and I don’t give a shit what he says!”

“No kidding,” I said, “as if he can possibly make my day any worse.”

“Yeah, but if I get a ticket, you’re paying for it!” she screamed.

We laughed until we cried.

* * * *

From the day I was misdiagnosed until the end of my treatments, there were countless decisions to make. I can only compare it to climbing an old tree with numerous branches. Reaching the top meant I could grab my health back, but there were limitless, different ways to get there. At times, fear paralyzed me, but in the end, I did what was right for me based on all the options available.

As an active participant in my well-being—knowledge gave me power.

Epilogue

Once my health improved, I reported the original specialist who had misdiagnosed me to the College of Physicians and Surgeons—the regulating body that oversees medicine and protects the public interest.

I had kept detailed journals throughout my experience and transcribed the relevant parts to present to the College. After a couple of months, they returned a decision.

Though the College did not feel the doctor was responsible for the misdiagnosis, they reprimanded him for his lack of due diligence. It was a black mark against him.

That’s all I wanted, to remind him that cancer had a name—and that name belonged to a person—and that person was me.eb

 

Please connect with Eden below — she’s also on Twitter and her website rocks. Eden does more than any other author I know to support and promote her peers. Please support her and buy her fantastic books! 

AND want to win a free copy of her fabulous new erotica book Spring Into Summer? Simply leave a comment below and you’re automatically entered! Be sure to leave your email so we can contact you.

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Rachel Thompson aka RachelintheOC is a published author and social media consultant. Her three books, A Walk In The Snark, The Mancode: Exposed and Broken Pieces are all #1 Kindle bestsellers! When not writing, she helps authors and other professionals with branding and social media for her company, BadRedhead Media. She hates walks in the rain, running out of coffee, and coconut. Buy Now : A Walk in the Snark * Mancode: Exposed * Broken Pieces

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Sexual Abuse Is Not A Competition

May 13, 2013 by 45 Comments

Someone asked recently if, in addition to writing about women’s issues, I also write about men’s sexual abuse.

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I don’t. I’m a nonfiction writer of essays, poetry, and prose based on my experiences (and business articles on author marketing and social media at BadRedheadMedia.com). As I’m a woman, I have no personal experience with male sexual abuse.

This seems fairly obvious, but I guess it’s not. And he had an agenda — to publicize his cause: to give men the same type of press women ‘get.’

Part of me supports the fact that all victims of sexual abuse need to be heard. Another part of me is, frankly, kinda pissed off.

Let’s deconstruct.

ABUSE

Abuse of any kind is horrific, particularly when sexual, it involves children, and especially if it’s over a long period of time. Hearing about what those girls in Ohio survived just reinforces what an issue sexual abuse of women is. I was dismayed when someone on Facebook wrote: how could they not have escaped over the course of ten years? There were so many issues in gaining freedom, fear and terror for each other and the child chief among them, as well as further punishment by their captor if caught. To suggest they didn’t try hard enough makes me so angry (not that this person intended that). It’s simply my reaction.

Why? In my own situation, I was a child (age 11 to 12) who lived next door to my own personal hell. The man who threatened to kill my family if I told. Who said he’d shoot us all in our sleep. Why would I NOT believe him? As a military officer, he carried a gun.

Assumptions are a terrible thing. To assume these women didn’t try to escape over that long period of a time is to assume they were happy to be there or didn’t try hard enough to get away — obviously, we know that’s not the case.

But I can understand that feeling of utter helplessness, confusion, and terror — something most people thankfully will never experience. Sadly, many will — and have. The latest statistics show that 1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted over their lifetime. 80% under the age of 18 (source: RAINN).

MEN

Men certainly have their own issues to deal with regarding sexual abuse (societal pressures, etc), and just because it doesn’t happen as often (or make the news as much) doesn’t make it any less horrific for the victims. 1 in 33 (again, RAINN)  men will be abused. My heart bleeds for anyone who has suffered, and many men have reached out to me after reading my book with their own terrible stories. Writers write about what they know.

I write about my experiences and how they have affected me. I had no knowledge (back in the 70s) of anyone close to me experiencing this — male or female — so the whole situation was particularly isolating. It’s only through research and years of therapy that I’ve learned so much more about it.

Men do need advocates for their stories — no question. Someone who regularly treats these cases, who has been through it themselves, or who has knowledge from a therapeutic standpoint — something I’m not qualified to do.

I wasn’t upset with this fella — he’s simply trying to advance his cause. Male victims suffer just as terribly as women. Sadly, the fact that women are more often victims creates this situation. And doubly sad is that our system of justice is ill-prepared to deal with these crimes. (Read more about my situation in my award-winning book, Broken Pieces).

COMPETITION

My only issue? His approach. It’s not a competition. Our abuse isn’t worse than their abuse. It’s not us versus them. It’s all bad. I understand and accept also that my experiences color my reactions. It’s all part of dealing with our own personal traumas.

Just because some people write about difficult topics doesn’t mean they are purposefully ignoring other populations. One voice is what this collective ‘we’ contributes.

Hopefully, many voices together will create a change.

 

 

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Rachel Thompson aka RachelintheOC is a published author and social media consultant. Her three books, A Walk In The Snark, The Mancode: Exposed and Broken Pieces are all #1 Kindle bestsellers! When not writing, she helps authors and other professionals with branding and social media for her company, BadRedhead Media. She hates walks in the rain, running out of coffee, and coconut. Buy Now : A Walk in the Snark * Mancode: Exposed * Broken Pieces

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Interview with NY Times Bestselling Author (Falling Into You) @JasindaWilder!

May 5, 2013 by 52 Comments

I’m SO excited to have the opportunity to interview New York Times bestselling author Jasinda Wilder today! I read the reviews of her latest novel, Falling Into You, (New Adult) so I downloaded it and loved it (and left her a 5-star review on Amazon). I wanted to learn more about Jasinda’s success and road to get there. Please read, comment, and share! Header

1) Jasinda, please share with us a little background about your New York Times bestselling book, Falling Into You (which I loved, by the way).

Falling Into You was inspired by real life events. I taught a girl whose sister went through an experience much like Nell’s. My student’s sister, whom we’ll call “Jenny” for the sake of answering this question, dated a boy, the son of a senator, and he died very tragically, much like Kyle did in the book. The rest is fiction, as Jenny grieved and received counseling and did in fact deal with her personal tragedy very admirably. But I took the seed event and extrapolated a bit, tried to imagine what would happen if someone refused to grieve. I’ve known cutters in real life, I’ve known people who refused to grieve or move on or deal with pain.

2) What I loved about the book was the combination of sweet love with very sexy love scenes, coupled with real-life issues surrounding loss. What was your inspiration for writing Nell?

I try to write life. Life, a variegated, many-hued thing. It’s sweet and loving, sexy and steamy, tragic, painful, amazing…I try to put all that in my stories. Nell is a composite character. She has elements of myself, people I’ve known, characters from other books and movies. I wanted to try a story that dealt with loss. Nell gave me her story (in the sense that once I started writing, events unrolled on their own in a way). Nell became real to me.

3) As the mother of a teen daughter, I look for strong female archetypes in stories. How did you decide on Nell’s character traits?

I don’t want anyone to think I’m encouraging the type of behavior Nell resorted to. Cutting is a serious issue and if you know someone who is doing it, try to get them professional help. Same with alcoholism and binge drinking.

That PSA disclaimer out of the way, Nell had to go through some hard things and make some mistakes so her journey to healing would be that much more powerful. I wanted people to know, through Nell, that we can make mistakes and hurt and grieve or refuse to grieve, but that we have to move on, we have to allow ourselves to get better. Nell’s character traits are things I’ve seen in people I know. I hope people see Nell’s strength, see the fact that she was able to recognize her problems and mistakes and try to move on from them, learn from them. Nell was strong for refusing to grieve, for shutting away her feelings; she was strong for being able to admit that she wasn’t dealing with it and allowed herself to start the journey to healing.

4) People often think writing is a dream job. How did you get this point?

Writing can be a dream job, if you have the discipline to write every day, the patience to do things properly, the courage to put your writing out and risk failure and rejection time and again until you find success. I got to this point by being willing to risk failure, by writing stories I believed in and stories that I felt people wanted to read, that I thought would sell. You have to write what you’re passionate about, but you also have to be aware of the market, of the trends, of what people are looking for; the trick is make what you write converge both things.

5) Any plans for a movie version? (I’ve totally cast the book already in my head LOL. Let’s just say Hemsworth brothers. Ahem.)

I have a film agent shopping out the story to people in Hollywood, and I do very much hope that we’ll see a film made from the book. Getting rights optioned and getting producers on board and getting production started and then getting it actually made? It’s a long, hard process. I have my fingers crossed, and more importantly, talented professionals helping me get my story into the right hands. Falling-Into-You-amazon-GR-Smash-207x300

6) What do you do when you’re not writing?

LOL. What don’t I do? I answer emails, Facebook messages, Twitter. I answer interview questions, I plan future works, and I do newsletters and talk to my agent.

I have a husband and children, and I spend time with them as much as I humanly can.

7) How do your family and friends feel about your books and subject matter?

My family is so supportive. If anyone in my life has reservations or negative feelings about some of the subject matter in my books, they’ve never made it an issue.

8) Many authors find it difficult to make the time to write and market their work. How are you so successful?

It is difficult, very, very difficult to balance it all. I’m successful because I do market my work. I talk to my readers directly and personally. I answer all emails myself as quickly as I can, same with FB and Twitter. I think that’s HUGE. If readers know I’m there on the other end, a real person, the actual author answering them, it gives them a sense of connection. They then will be willing to tell their family and friends and coworkers about my books. Word of mouth is still the single best and most effective method of gaining sales, and I don’t see that changing. Get people talking about your work. Get them to share it with friends and family, and then reward them for doing so, i.e. giveaways and contests and the like. Anything to spread the word.

9) What’s one piece of advice someone gave you that you’d like to pass on to aspiring writers?

Write. Keep writing. Write some more. Get a professional cover artist and copyeditor. Write. Write. Write.

10) When is your next book due out? Will you continue the Falling Into You series?

I just published the final book in the Big Girls and Rock Star series, called Big Girls Do It Pregnant. I’m now working on the follow-up book to Falling Into You, which isn’t a direct sequel, but rather what I’m calling a parallel book. It follows other events that happened to other characters during the time frame of Falling Into You. It tells a new story, but you’ll also get plenty of Kyle, Nell, and Colton. You’ll get more background, as well as closure on events in Colton and Nell’s life after the end of FIY.

11) Tell us about your Big Girls Do It and Rock Star series. What inspired you to write these stories? harder

Real life inspired them. My own desire to read steamy, sexy stories about people who aren’t size 0 or 2 or 4. I was inspired by the fact that love and sex and all the interrelated emotions stemming from relationships happen to everyone, regardless of what size or shape or color you are, and those stories are worth telling and worth reading. I didn’t see much of such stories out there, so I wrote my own.

12) Gin or vodka?

Wine. LOL.

13) What is your writing routine like?

I get up, get my kids to school, go into my office, and write until lunch, then write some more, until the kids get home. I intersperse it all with the business aspect of writing, i.e., social media.

14) What are your favorite books (or genre) to read? 

I write what I like to read. I’m always asking myself, ‘is this something I would read?’ So, then, I’m reading the books written by my peers, like Tara Sivec, Katie Ashley, Raine Miller, and Sylvia Day.

15) How long have you been writing professionally? Any tips for new writers?

I published my first book as Jasinda Wilder in April of 2012. I wrote some other works under a different pen name before that, but, really, I’ve been writing and supplementing my income in some fashion with my writing for about a year and a half. Tips? Write. Sit and write. See my answer to question 9. GET YOUR BOOK PROFESSIONALLY COPYEDITED BEFORE PUBLISHING. That’s huge. Be professional about your book and your career.

16) What types of marketing do you employ to get the word out for your books (social media, blog posts, ads, promotions, press releases, etc.)? Which do you feel is most effective?

I use FB, Twitter, newsletters, blogger reviews, Goodreads. I don’t blog much except in tandem with newsletters to announce a new release or put out a teaser. They’re all effective in different ways. Use them all, but balance it with actually writing, because if you don’t have books to promo, there’s no point.

17) Making people care about our characters is key to creating interest and empathy. Do you have a specific method when creating characters you’re willing to share?

Be an armchair psychologist. Watch people. Pay attention. Catalogue how people respond to situations, how they talk. Use real life situations. Read books on writing effective dialogue, because it’s harder than you think. Sol Stein’s On Writing was a huge help to me. Use real traits from people you know.

18) In Falling Into You, Nell uses cutting and alcohol as ways to deal with her grief. What has the response been to that particular aspect of the story?

A lot of people have said they identify with it, they understand why Nell resorted to that. To be clear, once again, those are NOT healthy coping mechanisms and should be handled by professionals. Seek help if you need it. Nell needed help, but refused to seek it out, and she suffered for it. But the sad fact is, Nell’s response was based on real-life facts, people who really do deal with pain and grief in that way.

19) How do you spend your off time?

With my family. Watching Real Housewives, Teen Mom and The Bachelor/Bachelorette.

20) Final question: of the main social media channels, where do you spend most of your time and how do you manage it?

Hmm. I try to balance them all, but I spend a HUGE amount of time on Facebook and email. I tend to answer emails and FB in the mornings and at night, and Twitter throughout the day. Emails are all the time. 1

 

Do you have questions for Jasinda? Please ask below. She’s very approachable and extremely involved with her fans which I love! Otherwise, connect with her on Twitter, her site, or Facebook. Purchase her books on Amazon.

 

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Rachel Thompson aka RachelintheOC is a published author and social media consultant. Her three books, A Walk In The Snark, The Mancode: Exposed and Broken Pieces are all #1 Kindle bestsellers! When not writing, she helps authors and other professionals with branding and social media for her company, BadRedhead Media. She hates walks in the rain, running out of coffee, and coconut. Buy Now : A Walk in the Snark * Mancode: Exposed * Broken Pieces

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Sisterhood Done Right Is An Amazing Commodity

April 27, 2013 by 148 Comments

 

Sisterhood Done Right Is An Amazing Commodity vectorstock_725596

 

As part of the Her Best Books promotion, I’m writing a piece about women and sisterhood. I hope you enjoy what I’m going to share and then enter the giveaways at the bottom of the post!

 

In the literal sense, I have two sisters (I’m the middle child), whom I adore. While our relationships change and grow as we do, we were raised by loving, supportive parents and despite little things, we’ve maintained healthy relationships as adults.

 

When it comes to sisterhood of a different kind, my luck has been somewhat mixed.

 

Let’s deconstruct.

 

Corporate World

 

I have had several female managers in my life and they all sucked. Actually, the best one was my manager for a nanosecond, but I thought she was great and we’re still in touch. I mean, I suppose they were good people (though in one case that’s questionable), but I think the dog-eat-dog world of corporate politics molded them to be uncaring drones.

 

An example: when I was a sales trainer for one of the largest pharma companies worldwide, a male manager made some sexually inappropriately comments to me. When I shared this uncomfortable situation with my manager, she told me I should be flattered cause ‘you’re so cute. Nobody ever makes comments like that to me!’ and advised me to drop it since ‘he’s a dad who supports his family.’

 

Sigh.

 

Another example: back out in the field as a multi-award-winning senior sales rep, a new female manager worked with me and said, at the end of a very long day, ‘I don’t get what the big deal is, why everyone loves you. You’re not that good.’ I’ve since learned (now that the company has been sued for gender harassment and lost) that this was just the first step in a campaign to oust women (particularly mothers, as I was) in order to replace us with young, single men.

 

I didn’t love the job but I was darn good at it. When all of my opportunities closed under her leadership, I quit – and never looked back.

 

Writing Life

 

As a working blogger and aspiring published author, I joined a few writers’ groups when my son was just a toddler. One group was great – we were honest with each other but supportive; the other not so much. One of the group leaders (a published author) told me my work was ‘unfit for publication.’ Which is fine – I’m a big girl. It hurt, of course, but I licked my wounds and kept writing.

 

However, a female friend who was part of the group (whom I admire greatly), took me aside and told me, ‘Don’t listen to her. You’re an amazing writer and your work makes me cry.’ I’ll be forever grateful to both of them. Why both? It was such a valuable learning experience in so many ways: as a woman, as a writer, and as a human.

 

Today

 

I’ve now had three successful, bestselling books on Kindle (A Walk In The Snark, Mancode: Exposed, and now Broken Pieces), and hope my next books do as well. I started a business to help other authors market their work and it’s booming. But most importantly, I’ve developed amazing relationships (working and real-life) with unbelievable women: my editor, proofreader and formatter, my graphic artists, my web designer, site owners, reviewers, blog tour operators, several mentors, and of course, other authors and readers.

 

I’ve met amazing people through social media – both men and women – and I couldn’t be more grateful. This isn’t a slam on guys. It’s not a slam on anyone. It’s just an example that surrounding myself with amazing women creates such a wonderful feeling of sisterhood I’m grateful to experience.

 

Beyond that, in writing Broken Pieces, I’ve experienced an incredible bond with total strangers – both men and women — over something none of us would ever choose to experience but have had to deal with: sexual abuse or assault. The stories are heartbreaking, but what amazes me is the strength the majority of women have to move beyond these incidences and create a life.

 

Truly a sisterhood of a different kind.

 

And that’s what this piece is about today. Learning and growing with other women who work together toward a common goal: to create the best life, and work, possible.

 

Her Best Books HER BOOKS

 

I’m thrilled to be part of this book promotion group because each of these authors writes stories for and about women, are successful bestsellers, are whip smart, generous, and each is just so freakin’ nice. We’re offering an iPad Mini, gift baskets or gift cards, and our books are either all discounted or free during this next week (April 28 through May 2)!

 

I’ve learned that sisterhood doesn’t suck. Sisterhood done right is one of the few gifts women have that men rarely experience. Sure, men bond easily over sports and stuff. But I’ve met very few women reticent to share a personal experience with another woman. It’s how we bond.

 

And for that, I’m glad and honored to be part of the sisterhood.

 

BROKEN PIECES WILL BE FREE ON SUNDAY, 4/28 AND MONDAY, 4/29 ONLY! Please check it out and download a copy from Amazon (reminder: no Kindle is required to download eBooks. Download their free apps for smartphone, computer, or tablet. Be sure to enter the iPad Mini contest, too and share with your friends!

a Rafflecopter giveaway
You are not finished yet! Please find below the list of authors that are participating in this huge giveaway. Each of them, including me are offering an individual giveaway!

For me, leave me a comment about the “sisters” in your life and I’ll giveaway an Amazon Gift Card to a random commenter.

Steena Holmes bestselling author of Finding Emma is giving away a chocolate gift basket to someone who leaves a comment about their fairy godmother

*   *   *

Christine Nolfi, award winning author of Treasure Me is giving away a gift basket of Charleston treats as her giveaway

*   *   *

Patricia Sands, bestselling author of the hot new release, The Promise of Provence is giving away a beautiful book on the Most Beautiful Country Towns of Provence from Amazon to a lucky commenter.

*   *   *

Karla Darcy, bestselling author of 7 Regency Romances including The Divided Hearts is giving away an Amazon Gift Card to a lucky person

*   *   *

Bette Lee Crosby, ten-time award-winning author of Spare Change is giving away an Amazon Gift Card for answering a question.

*   *   *

To keep up to date with new releases and new giveaways coming this summer, visit out blog, Her Best Books, and be sure to subscribe to our newsletter.

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RachelintheOC

Rachel Thompson aka RachelintheOC is a published author and social media consultant. Her three books, A Walk In The Snark, The Mancode: Exposed and Broken Pieces are all #1 Kindle bestsellers! When not writing, she helps authors and other professionals with branding and social media for her company, BadRedhead Media. She hates walks in the rain, running out of coffee, and coconut. Buy Now : A Walk in the Snark * Mancode: Exposed * Broken Pieces

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Celebrate The Books You Love with #HerBooks!

April 21, 2013 by 39 Comments

HER BOOKS

 

 

I’m thrilled to be part of a wonderful group of female, bestselling authors. Join the HerBooks authors April 28 – May 5 for a weeklong celebration of the women we love with heartwarming essays and giveaways including an iPad Mini, 60 eBooks from 6 bestselling authors, and special prizes listed at each author’s site.

You’ll have six times as many chances to win wonderful prizes as you visit each of our blogs to read the stories of why we think women are so very special. Just by visiting each blog, you’ll be entered into the gigantic sweepstakes to win an iPad Mini, six individual prizes or one of 60 bestsellers by these authors:

Bette Lee Crosby – Ten-time Award-winning Author of Spare Change

Christine Nolfi – Award-Winning Author of Treasure Me, a USA Today “Best Pick”

Steena Holmes – Featured Speaker at the London Book Fair & Author of Finding Emma

Rachel Thompson – Author of Broken Pieces, nominated for Nonfiction/Women’s Studies Global e-Book Award

Patricia Sands – Bestselling Author of the Hot New Release The Promise of Provence

Karla Darcy – Bestselling Author of 7 Regency Romances including The Divided Hearts

Get going right now…visit the Her Books Facebook Page where you will find all the links you need to be part of the fun…like the page and come back often because something special is always going on!

Click here to join the party!

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RachelintheOC

Rachel Thompson aka RachelintheOC is a published author and social media consultant. Her three books, A Walk In The Snark, The Mancode: Exposed and Broken Pieces are all #1 Kindle bestsellers! When not writing, she helps authors and other professionals with branding and social media for her company, BadRedhead Media. She hates walks in the rain, running out of coffee, and coconut. Buy Now : A Walk in the Snark * Mancode: Exposed * Broken Pieces

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Because I Hate You by guest @RhiannonPaille

April 14, 2013 by 40 Comments

I’m so pleased to share my blog today with accomplished, award-winning author and all-around cool person, Rhiannon Paille. She opens up here about a difficult family relationship and how it has affected her throughout her life. 

 

 

 

 

Because I Hate Youvectorstock_400857

 

 

So small.

So invisible.

So wrong.

So inconsolable.

 

I huddled in my bed waiting for her to come in. My stomach was twisted in knots, my hands making fists around the comforter. I hoped she wouldn’t confront me. I hoped she would leave me alone. Her uneven gait pounded down the hallway and my breath hitched. My fingers cinched around the blanket as tears escaped my eyes. I didn’t know what I had done wrong, but the way she was acting, it must have been something. Maybe I forgot to hang my jacket up, maybe she tripped on toys I forgot to put away, maybe I left my toothbrush on the edge of the sink instead of putting it in its holder.

 

I didn’t know what I’d done wrong, but soon her voice was piercing the silence, and I was launching myself off the bed, ready to stand at attention like a soldier. My bedroom door was open and her face appeared. She was livid and I knew what was coming, only I was too small and too afraid to do anything about it.

 

I’ve never had a great relationship with my mother, but I can sum my mother up in two conversations.

 

Me: Why are you smoking?

Mom: Because I hate you and I want to die.

 

Me: Mom? Can we talk about boys?

Mom: Boys? I can’t talk about boys with you.

 

She got up, went down the hall to her bedroom and locked the door. She didn’t come out all afternoon.

 

I don’t know what I did to make my mother dislike me, but from my earliest memory the woman had a penchant for disciplining me. It went beyond normal mother/daughter disagreements, this was hatred and I was the target.

 

I suppose what made it worse was that it wasn’t just the way she was. My mother wasn’t an alcoholic or drug addict. She didn’t start smoking until I was sixteen. She cooked, cleaned, and worked part time. I had the pleasure of watching her carry on perfectly normal and healthy relationships with three neighbors, the neighbor’s son, my brother and my dad. She didn’t yell at them, she didn’t chase them around the house and eventually corner them for a beating, she didn’t raise her voice to them, or tell them what horrible people they were. She didn’t twist their arms, drag them by the hair, or make them sit in their rooms for two days straight.

 

It left me with a deep sense of ‘why me?’ If she could like everyone else, why couldn’t she like me?

 

When I told my mom I was writing songs she said, “You’ve only written one song, don’t think you’ll end up famous from it.”

When I said I was writing short stories she said, “We can’t afford ink and paper for your useless hobby.”

When I said I had a solo at a vocal jazz concert she said, “We have too many things to do to hear you sing.”

When I said I wanted to become a teacher she said, “University isn’t for you, you shouldn’t go.”

When I said I was psychic she said, “That’s bullshit you can’t be psychic.”

When I said I was opening a store she said, “You better not ask me to babysit.”

 

I didn’t break the cycle until I was an adult. I let the woman chop me down for years, making me hate myself, doubt myself, and hurt myself. I moved out at eighteen while working part time jobs, succumbing to bottomfeeding the way my mom predicted. I hit rock bottom at nineteen, finding literally nothing in me left to live for. I wasn’t well liked by anyone, I had a few boyfriends who had used me and thrown me away. I was not a pretty girl.

 

And then I met my husband. He saw all the suppressed ambition, all the subtle genius locked inside a tarnished and scarred little girl. He stopped me from doing something drastic like drowning in a bathtub of blood or putting a bullet through my skull. He made me go out, and slowly but surely he showed me a world my mother had hidden from me my whole life.

 

Granted, that world came with its own trials but I no longer had to live under the thumb of her crippling insults. I didn’t have to believe her bias view of the kind of person I was. I spent a long time redefining myself, in a period where my mother wanted nothing to do with me.

 

For the first few years of my marriage there were no presents for the kids, no grandparent visits, no family dinners. I tried to force a healthy relationship that was never going to happen. I admit, even though she abused me verbally, sometimes physically and always psychologically, I still wanted her to love me. One day we got into a fight about her doing me a favor and I finally understood it. She would never support anything I ever did.

 

I cut off from her. I stopped calling every time I felt that need. I told myself that if she wanted a relationship with me, if she wanted to repair all the hurt, she would have to admit she was wrong, and come apologize to me. For years it was always me apologizing to her, for things I didn’t know I had done wrong. Finally as an adult, I had to put my foot down and either have the toxic relationship, or live my life without my mom in it.

 

Three years went by, with minimal communication. Then one day she showed up on yahoo messenger of all places, and sent me an instant message asking how I was. I said I was fine. She asked if I wanted to bring the grandkids over for a visit sometime. I said, “Who are you and what have you done with my mother?” she said nothing. I said, “I’d love to come over!”

 

From there on she began working at repairing all the damage she had done. She began liking me, to the point where she even began loving me. Since then she has said a lot of things I’d been waiting a long time to hear.

 

“I’m proud of you.”

“I don’t know how you do what you do.”

“I’d never forget about my grandkids.”

“I wish I had half your initiative and ambition.”

 

While her complete one eighty still freaks me out, I’m glad she reached out. I’m happy with the way things are between us now.

 

AND… she’s become one of my best Beta readers.

 

 

 

Please leave any comments or questions for Rhiannon below.

 

Find her amazing books here:

 

YA Fantasy: rhiannon paille pic

Surrender (The Ferryman + The Flame #1) on Amazon

Lantern & Poison (The Ferryman + The Flame #1.5) on Amazon

Justice (The Ferryman + The Flame #2) on Amazon

Blood & Gold (The Ferryman + The Flame #2.5) coming March 2013

YA Dystopian:

Death Sentence (Last City on Earth #1) on Amazon

East Side Boy (Last City on Earth #2) on Amazon

Carnival (Last City on Earth #3) on Amazon

Non Fiction:

Integrated Intuition: A Comprehensive Guide to Psychic Development on Amazon

 

Follow Rhiannon: Twitter, Facebook, Blog, Website

 

 

If you’d like to read Broken Pieces, click for a free sample on Amazon (no Kindle required – they have free apps for any smartphone, computer, or tablet). Thank you!

 

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RachelintheOC

Rachel Thompson aka RachelintheOC is a published author and social media consultant. Her three books, A Walk In The Snark, The Mancode: Exposed and Broken Pieces are all #1 Kindle bestsellers! When not writing, she helps authors and other professionals with branding and social media for her company, BadRedhead Media. She hates walks in the rain, running out of coffee, and coconut. Buy Now : A Walk in the Snark * Mancode: Exposed * Broken Pieces

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