When the cat’s away…

So I’ve been meaning to write a blog about how us moms have to cope with ALL kinds of crap when the husbands go out of town. What prompted this you ask? Hmmm…well, I think my poor kid sister bonking her head on the fireplace mantel and getting her second (or was it third, Les?) concussion–while her husband Bryce was out of town and of course she was home alone with baby Micah…and ended up having to call 911 and a friend to watch the baby; and $1,000 later at the hospital and going through the ordeal alone they said, yea, you have a concussion, lady–go home and don’t lift anything heavy or stay home alone. Pft. Gee, thanks.

So JP travels a lot. A lot, a lot (note: two words, people, two words.) Here are just a few of the instances of FUN I’ve dealt with while he’s been gone…and funnily enough, most happen AS HE’S PULLING AWAY FROM THE HOUSE:

1) the washing machine breaks mid-cycle while it’s full of water and the repairman can’t come for three days (do you know what that smells like?); also the gas stove pilot light went out (now, this would be a problem if I cooked, ha ha…no actually, I do once in awhile.)

2) the smoke alarm starts beeping on our cathedral ceiling (clearly not one I could reach or I’d just do it myself) and we have no handyman to call since JP is our handyman–I asked a neighbor who’s always offering to help and when it came down to it, he claimed knee and back injuries–throwing shit at it does not work BTW;

3) the keyless entry stops working on the new Maxda CX-7, though it’s totally worked for the full three months prior to JP going out of town…I try everything and nope, nothing; and of course, when I go to turn the car on, the alarm goes off–ear-splittingly loudly.

4) power outages are always fun, since we have a heavy aluminum garage door that I can’t begin to budge and of course the car is in there; no way to go get our daughter Anya from school…

5) too numerous to mention instances of the kids getting sick on the exact day he leaves. WTF is up with that? So fun to be home alone with sick children…not to mention the fatigue.

6) weird stuff with the neighbors…fights, yelling, etc. Not w/ me, thank God, though if you read “Karma is a bitch” you’ll know the problems we’ve had with one particularly skankious neighbor.

7) then there was the GIANT rat and bat that flew by me while I was reading in the garden that one time. I mean, we’re talking bigger than a cat. Services like Sustainable Pest bat control services are now on my speed dial.

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8) and finally there is the ole garden/fountain/fish tank paraphernalia that I have no interest in and truthfully just kind of forget about during the week that he’s gone…that’s man’s work around here. Til the fountain starts making sickly chugga chugga sounds, and the fish start looking oddly peaked…and so I remember I’m supposed to do stuff and then oops–nothing works. My bad. (Hey, I just read in there.)

So when JP leaves on his next trip, what mice will be lurking while the cat’s away? As soon as his car backs away, I’ll let you know. Shop moose taxidermy at https://all-taxidermy.com/product-category/taxidermy-mounts/moose/ today.