I'm Bossy. So?
I’m a Rabbit.
Wha?
No, not talking Chinese New Year symbols. (For the record, I’m a dragon. There’s a surprise.)
Today we’re discussing communication styles. Which I suppose is fitting given that I write about Mancode and Chickspeak.
But today I’m taking a slightly…different view.
Some people say we all relate to a character in the Pooh series: Pooh (or Piglet), Eeyore, Tigger, or Rabbit.
Me: Which one are you, honey?
Husband: Mickey Mouse.
Welcome to my life.
Let’s deconstruct.
- THE FOUR STYLES: There are four basic communication styles (using the Pooh model):
Relationship
Friendly (Pooh, Piglet) Dramatic (Tigger) Analytical (Eeyore) Bossy (Rabbit) Task
You, me, even your dog have a communication style that falls into one of these four categories. Feel free to disagree – years of data prove you wrong.
(These are not personality styles – these are communication styles – different. If you are an Analytical aka Eeyore, don’t think I’m calling you a Negative Nancy #thoughyouprobablyare. It’s only a model #deargod).
Anyway.
- MY STYLE: I fall into the Bossy category – I can be a pushy little thing. No surprise there. I tend to be assertive and task oriented. Which isn’t to say I can’t also be a marshmallow at times – but my preferred style of communication, that I automatically go to, that my brain is wired for, is to be bossy, assertive, and focused on the task at hand. (Once that’s done, then I give out hugs. Maybe.)
This means I make decisions fairly quickly based on a minimal amount of information and I don’t dither once I’ve made that decision; I’m a leader if I feel it’s worth getting the task done; I will consult others if I feel I need to in order to make the right decision but not always – usually I’ll just do research and make my decision based on that; I’m a rebel to an extent — I don’t go along with the pack and don’t care what others think of me (just read either of my books if you want proof of that); I will fight for my rights and I’m fiercely loyal to those who are loyal to me.
- Z-OUT: Which means I’ll go from my Bossy corner into a Z-pattern and end up in my opposite corner, which is where I will acquiesce and offer you some hunny.
Okay, wait.
Everyone will Z-out at some point…where you throw up your hands and say, “Fine. Whatever. I’m done.” Meaning, you end up in your complete opposite corner of your preferred communication style. For me, that means acquiesce, which is like Kryptonite for a Rabbit. #shivers. Interestingly, for an Eeyore, this means they’ll get their back up, even if just for an instant. It can be a beautiful thing.
- PREFERRED STYLE: Everyone falls somewhere in those four quadrants. Yes, we can exhibit qualities of all four but we each have one preferred style. How task-oriented are you? How assertive are you? Those are the basic questions. And it’s not how you see yourself – it’s how others see you that gives you the most accurate picture.
- MORE INFO: Why write about this? I find this fascinating and along with Journalism, I received my BA in Communication Studies in college. I’m also a certified trainer in it (from my former life in pharma that I’ve mostly recovered from). My guy JP teaches it to sales reps and I sometimes help him. This is a two-day program so I can’t possibly give you all the info here in this snapshot. (If you want more info, follow him at @salescafe or visit his site at AscentSellingTechnologies for WAY more info.)
How does this relate to authors? Where are we in this model?
- FOR AUTHORS: As we build our author platforms and interact with people from all walks of life, we’re bound to come across people who are diametrically opposite our style. Know how you meet people whom you just don’t jive with for whatever reason? Most likely, you’re having a communication style conflict.
This usually occurs for two reasons. Their style is so opposite yours, you simply cannot relate i.e., you’re a Tigger (Dramatic) and they’re an Eeyore (Analytical). You want to make a split second decision and they send you one hundred emails full of research. An extreme example but perhaps something you’ve experienced.
This can also happen if you’re the same style as someone. Put two Rabbit (Bossy) people together and you usually end up in a flame war or a ‘pissing contest,’ which can get ugly quickly. (For the record, I have a strict policy against flame wars however, it’s in my nature to want to respond. It’s a learned behavior not to but I’m far from perfect.)
Writers, in my opinion, have an advantage because while we are hard-wired as humans to a preferred style (observe how you react to stress – it’s the same every time), we can tap into those emotions in our writing style and cross genres with our characters, in our poetry or essays.
- PERSONALITY VS. COMMUNICATION: Many people have probably done the Myers-Briggs test or some other types of testing. While this is similar to an extent, the difference with this type of program is that MB is a self-assessment. Of course it’s going to be right! We project where we see ourselves and guess what? It’s usually only about 50% accurate. In fact, it’s only 48% accurate. In addition, how do you use that info?
The great thing about this type of program is that not only do you assess yourself but others who work with you also assess you – a much more accurate picture.
- HOW IT HELPS: Learning this communication style program has helped me immensely as a person, wife, mother, friend, daughter, and sister. I even see it in my children and apply it to their learning styles. Not to mention as an author and social media consultant – I come into contact with hundreds of people every day and it’s incredibly helpful to understand why people react the way they do.
- DECISION-MAKING It’s often even a deciding factor for me – do I want to interact with this person based on their level of assertiveness or task orientation? Where are they in relation to me? Sometimes their level of assertiveness or task is so much more than mine (or less – maybe they’re too wishy-washy), I decide to end the relationship. It’s just not worth the stress. You’ve probably done the same at an unconscious level.
- DEEPER LEVEL: And it goes much deeper. Once you know your style, you can adapt to others if you’re having a style conflict, change your sales message if you’re having trouble with a client, friend, or colleague, correct a tweet or Facebook message if someone seems offended (depending on your style, you may not even care #raiseshand), even consider styles when writing characters. It’s truly fascinating, all you can do with it.
I hope you find this information as interesting as I do. Please share your thoughts and experiences below. I don’t mean for this to be a sales promo for my guy. He’s busy as it is. I personally dig this stuff and find it of value.
**Based on our little exchange, what style do you think my husband is?
Related articles
- ‘The sky has finally fallen. Always knew it would,’ & Other Eeyore Observations (bethtrissel.wordpress.com)
- Happy Winnie the Pooh Day! (rochpublibrary.wordpress.com)
I’m gonna guess Tigger 🙂
Yup. Totally Tigger. He’s the one who argues for argument’s sake, interrupts, bounces in and out, exhausts me. Yet, when stressed, he gets quiet. People can disagree all they want, I’ve observed this for twenty years in him and him in me. It works. 🙂
Actually, a Tigger of all the Tiggers. 🙂
Morning Rachel!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I think I’m an Eeyore with a little touch of Pooh. I tend to be analytical, but a people pleaser also sometimes. Thanks for making me think before my second cup of coffee….
Thx for visiting, Barb. People can be anywhere in each quadrant, and have traits of the other styles, that’s for sure. Again, it’s what your preferred style is. There’s so much more to all this than I could possibly provide in one article, but it’s fun to see where we think we are and then discuss with others where they see us. The data was actually developed by several universities (including Harvard) and the model JP and others use is commonly accepted by experts.
Either way, if it’s handy in real life, that’s what counts.
Ha! First comment yet again.
What a cool article. Nice departure. After reading it, though, I find that I have to disagree, slightly, not with your premise but with the idea that we can all be assigned one specific trait or another. My proof is in your inevitable response to this comment! I can almost hear you…
You strike me as a Pooh who wears a Rabbit costume. I’m kinda the same, it’s easy to see in others. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m mostly Pooh, with a little Eeyore, but my “Z” trait is Rabbit. I’ll do my best to accomplish my goals with polite, friendly but firm urging, but when I reach my “point” I’m capable of putting my foot down, getting that steely glint in my eye and forcing the issue. Followed by a friendly smile, of course.
Your man? He’s a very lucky Pooh.
You rock, babe.
Aw, thx Landon. Ha, you can disagree of course. Most people who haven’t been through this program do. I myself have been profiled about five times over the past fifteen years and every damn time I’m the same: Directive aka Bossy. You’re the guy in the class who says “but you can’t put people into boxes!” There’s always that one guy. But sorry, you can. If you take say, 100 people, 25% will fall into each category. Doesn’t matter if they’re men or women, blue or purple, single or married. It’s been tested again and again.
If you observe how I am in our interactions, I’m quite task-oriented. I may be nice about it, but I get the job done. That right there takes Pooh out of the equation completely. I do temper it hunny, though. And it depends on how much of a relationship I have with the person. You I like.
Consider me chastened. I’m not that guy in the class, though, either. I think that most people can be put into boxes, but not all, and I also think that many people are playing a part anyway and have no idea what box they should be in.
Everybody isn’t as self-aware as you and me.
Man, I was wrong about your fella!
Hey, no worries, Landon. Didn’t mean to scold. Bad Rabbit. 🙂
Quite the interesting concept, Rachel! I would never have thought to use the Winnie the Pooh analogy for analyzing communication styles, but it definitely works. I’m a total Pooh, but you probably could have guessed that…
It makes it easy and fun. JP uses a movie-making model (actors, PR, director, and editors/writers) which also works. Either way, it’s how we can take these concepts and put them into actual practice. (Can you hear my task-orientation talking?) hehe
Communication-I’m definitely a Pooh. Personality-Definitely an Eeyore. So I guess my major conflict would be with the voices in my own head, which doesn’t surprise me at all.
It’s a good thing we have writing to save us from ourselves, Groovy. Style conflicts often occur within ourselves. That’s when, I find, I have to shut off everything but my music and write.
I’m a Pooh/Piglet. I can get tough if I have too but I’m usually nice until someone pisses me off big time 🙂 Doing blog posts also helps with any frustration I have lol
Thx for visiting, Dionne. It’s good to recognize your style and where you go under stress. Writing is so cathartic, isn’t it? (See DUMBASS SYNDROME haha). Your driving post was a terrific example, also. LOVED that. I’m noodling around with some ideas for a guest post — are you game for a visit? I have an idea…will send you a message. 🙂
I’m a Rabbit. On crack. I’m still working on that, though, before people around me show their love. Their stabby love.
Rabbits rock. Rabbits on crack just mean we’ve had A LOT of carrots and see everything. Why do people doubt us? Pft.
I am a combo of rabbit/eeyore – but when it comes down to it the rabbit wins out every time and if you don’t like, too frigging bad. lol :p
That means you’re task-oriented w/ assertiveness. (Or at least you think you are :). You’re a lot like me in that way. If you make a decision and don’t care what people think, then you’re my kind of girl.
I’m pretty sure I’d be a Rabbit. If I did a quick poll of the office, I’m certain I’d get 6 ‘rabbit’ answers. There are only 6 people here… Even my boss treads lightly when she approaches my desk LOL.
We’ve done a lot of personality tests here (I know, different to what you are talking about, but related). the best one was the one that required colleagues to fill in surveys about YOU as well as your self-assessment. Most recently, in a branding workshop, we did a quick ‘Think, Feel, Know’ analysis. Even the guy who’d just met me said I was a ‘know’ person i.e. you make quick decisions because you just ‘know’ it’s right, as opposed to people who want to think about it more and need more info and those who go with a gut feeling.
I love this stuff, it’s fun. Although it rarely tells me something I didn’t know. But hey, if you aren’t comfortable with who you are, you have some problems!
Sounds like you are generally a Rabbit, tho you could be a Tigger also. Knowing is a function of of task, whereas feeling is a function of relationship behavior. Either way, you know what you are as do the people around you so that’s what matters most. But what can help you is listening for client’s language — are they think, feel, or know? if you care :)…
I am probably a large Tigger who took acting lessons and loves to play the parts of Pooh, Rabbit, and the big Eeyore with relish. I do bounce around a lot and from topic to topic (what were we talking about?) . . . I do tend to get things done though and enjoy a good debate. Most writers think about conflict or conflict resolution for characters and plot, and this sometimes makes us dwell on what could go wrong a lot of the time.
There is so much to this, that’s for sure. It’s many times hard to recognize our own style, Justin. That’s why having others assess us is helpful. A Tigger is pretty assertive so I’m not sure…but, that isn’t to say you can’t be. There are degrees to all of this. You could very well be a Tigger but not to the degree that someone else is…does that make sense? Additionally, I’m looking at you through my perspective, which is why it’s helpful to have many people who work with you take the assessment. When we all end up giving the same feedback, you know it’s correct.
Remember, self-assessment is only correct half the time. 🙂
P.S. I enjoyed this Post, R. It gets me thinking . . .
Great intuitive post! I’m probably a Pooh with a hint of Tigger – always been a drama queen! Thanks for sharing.
So glad you visited, Jane! It’s interesting that the more dramatic can really be any style. Many actors are actually fairly quiet, analytical individuals who find themselves on a stage and really come alive. Others, as it sounds like you are, have that tendency in real life, which is the function of relationship behavior, aka Tigger and Pooh traits. Fun stuff, for sure. 🙂
Guess what, my grand kids keep pulling my ears and tell me, ‘don’t be bossy granddad!’
You, bossy? Imagine that.
My husband has informed me I am Eyeore to his Rabbit and that I will like it!
SNARKALICIOUS COMMUNICATION: THE 4 STYLES http://t.co/Kzcw0yNp via @RachelintheOC
SNARKALICIOUS COMMUNICATION – Rachel in the OC http://t.co/OlNiybjp