SURVIVOR: A THRIVER SPEAKS by guest author Toby Neal

I’m beyond thrilled to introduce to my blog Kindle bestselling author Toby Neal! Her eBook Blood Orchids is FREE today on Amazon (remember, no Kindle required) and I can honestly say I’m enjoying this extremely well-written and fast moving book so much I’ve ignored almost (but not quite) everything else this past weekend. My family is not pleased.

As I do with all my guests, I challenged Toby to dig deep and share something real and honest from her life. After a few back and forth emails, she surprised me with a level of honesty that blew me away. I couldn’t be more proud and I’m honored and moved to present her story to you here today. I have chills just writing this. Toby, you have touched me with your loving soul and all your do for the people in your life through your work and words. 

SURVIVOR: A THRIVER SPEAKS

My mother-in-law was the first person to say, “I feel like I hardly know you,” after she read Blood Orchids, my debut crime novel.

She won’t be the last.

Blood Orchids deals with gritty subjects- rape, abuse, and child molestation. Sounds like fun, huh? And to be honest, when I think I’m going to read something that drags me through the gutter of human experience, I don’t want to go there. I read to be entertained, to escape—and to see bad guys get their just desserts.

The other question I’ve been getting is pretty damn personal—“Were you a sexual abuse survivor?”

Up until now I’ve dodged it, saying I’ve worked as a therapist with a number of people suffering from aftereffects of abuse. But for Rachel, who dares me to bare it all, I’ll answer — just this once.

Yes.

And,

no.

Yes, I was the victim of a one-time, opportunistic encounter with a teenaged boy at the beach when I was seven years old. He made me do things to him I can’t quite remember and don’t care to; but his threats against my family if I told were what terrified me. Yes, I was also the victim of intermittent physical and emotional abuse by my alcoholic dad.

And, no.

No, because neither of those situations of abuse have defined me as an adult. But that doesn’t mean they haven’t heavily influenced my work as a therapist, someone who assists the healing of others—and even my decision to become a therapist (versus my first, vainglorious career dream of TV anchorwoman.)

And, those experiences have colored my writing. They are themes I find myself exploring again and again—the unfair wounding of children. The bold process of their overcoming—a  fairly common occurrence with 1 out of 4 women a victim of sexual abuse by age 14, and 1 out of 6 men (LiveScience 12/09).

One of the things I wanted to do with Orchids was show the process of therapy with a sexual abuse survivor, how severe the PTSD symptoms of child abuse can be for an adult woman, and how healing comes—sometimes in leaps of freedom with a trained therapist (such as Dr. Wilson who works with Lei) and sometimes in the slow dawning of a new day with a loving partner (whom she is also blessed with.)

In my own life, I’ve had both too.

But really, that’s not what Orchids is about. The book is about overcoming, and the power of love to heal, and yes, the bad guys get their just desserts—and it’s damn entertaining, the kind of book that I enjoy reading and can handle. In real life, so often the bad guys get away with it.

In spite of that, we still can be more than survivors—I’m a thriver.  And I think my clients can be too.

Do I like my work every day? Hell, no. My clients’ suffering still moves me, and the day it doesn’t I better hang up my therapy shingle. Here’s a poem I wrote about it:

Datebook of a Therapist/Writer by Toby Neal

My life goes by, a book of little boxes

Penciled names and times containing

No hint of the stories–

The sorrows, compulsions, memories, grief,

The rage, depression, drugs, abuse. . .

Just little boxes filled with names and times. I wish they

Left no mark on me but

They do.

 

I witness the stories

I hold the box of secrets

I hear the songs:

street rap full of fuck you

ukulele ballads spun out of loss

Some are just broken poetry cut into arms

or tattooed names of stillborn children.

 

I take those stories and weave them into new

I make them fiction and put them somewhere else

My alter ego kills rapists and imprisons pedophiles

She patrols the streets of my imagination making them safer

A big Rottweiler by her side and a gun in her hand.

 

In real life I pass a box of tissues. It’s

Never enough but I guess

It’s better than no one ever knowing the stories

At all.

*

So.  I’ve chosen the best revenge for a dysfunctional childhood—a life well lived, fully occupied, making the world a better place one day at a time.

I think Dr. Wilson, my fictional therapist alter ego, would approve.

*

About Toby Neal:

Toby Neal was raised on Kauai in Hawaii. She wrote and illustrated her first story at age five and has been published in magazines and won several writing contests. After initially majoring in Journalism, she eventually settled on mental health as a career and loves her work, saying, “I’m endlessly fascinated with people’s stories.”

She enjoys many outdoor sports including bodyboarding, scuba diving, beach walking, gardening and hiking. She lives in Hawaii with her family and dogs.

Toby credits her counseling background in adding depth to her characters–from the villains to Lei Texeira, the courageous and vulnerable heroine in the Lei Crime Series.

Purchase Blood Orchids here (again, available free on Amazon today only!) no Kindle required.

also, check out Toby’s website!
http://www.tobyneal.net/

 

Thanks as always for your attention and we welcome comments directed to Toby or I below. Follow Toby on Twitter at @TobyWNeal or myself at both @RachelintheOC or my new social media consulting Twitter stream @BadRedheadMedia where I give out free Twitter tips throughout the day.

Need help with Twitter, branding, author branding or marketing for your small biz? Click here for my info and fees.

Finally, MANCODE and SNARK are still in the Parenting and Family Amazon Top 20 thanks to all your lovely downloads, purchases, reviews and support. If you haven’t purchased them yet, ask yourself this question: Do you feel…left out?

Related articles

• Traumatic Growth From Victim, to Survivor, to Thriver (almostclever.wordpress.com)
• Blood Orchids and Growing Old (damyantiwrites.wordpress.com)
• The Aftermath of Childhood Sexual Abuse (everydayhealth.com)