Kindergarten Nonsense: Restaurant Edition by Guest Casey Ryan

Kindergarten Nonsense: Restaurant Edition

As a follow-up to my original Kindergarten Nonsense article here on @RachelintheOC’s blog, I thought it would be fun to throw out a couple of stories about adults behaving badly that had a common theme. What environment can better showcase the worst in social behavior than restaurants?

Having supported myself in college by waiting tables and working in kitchens, I have an appreciation for the lifestyle. It isn’t an easy or pleasant way to make a living – I get it. I’m also a big restaurant buff. Being a good patron, I’m always polite to the staff and the tips left are respectable.  All of this begs one simple question…….

Do I have a tattoo on my forehead when I walk into a place to eat that says Treat me like an asshole?

I have two major challenges when dining out. The first is getting what I rightfully ordered without being challenged by the waiter. I could order a filet mignon and be served a piece of cheesecake.  Go ahead and laugh – that really happened.

The other problem is getting served before the remaining people in my party have completely finished eating. Recently, I’ve turned this into a game that would’ve made for a great episode of Seinfeld. I ask the waiter what the simplest/fastest main course is on the menu and then just sit back and watch everyone else enjoy their meals.

Here is the thing that really bugs me – I make a point of not getting upset. My single most popular tweet was “Never trust anyone that is nice to you but, rude to the waiter.” Under no circumstances do I want to be known as “that guy.”

Comment Cards: Barf is a four-letter word.

The good Lord invented comment cards to allow modest and articulate people like myself to spew forth venom while maintaining a modicum of quiet dignity. I openly accept any such opportunity to make my opinions known but, the one thing you’ll never see me do in the process is swear. In cases like this, the words that hurt most aren’t the vulgar ones. I’ve tested this theory several times and it does work.

I love filling out comment cards. 

They are supposed to be anonymous but, in one unforgettable instance I was called out over something I’d written. I refuse to mention the name of the place because I don’t want to give them any publicity. I will say that it was one of a large chain of family-style restaurants in Canada that no longer operates in Quebec.

My wife and I were there with a large group of people – about ten-twelve. Normally this would be a challenge for the kitchen staff but, it was a quiet night and the place was almost empty.

It was twenty-five solid minutes before our waitress (a twenty-something blonde) came by to take our drink orders. Over the course of the next hour a small but, steady trickle of people came in, were served, billed, and left – all without us so much as getting our salads. This would be enough to cause most people to leave but, a few among us loved the food and insisted on staying.

When the plates finally arrived (ninety minutes later), my order was wrong and I politely attempted to send it back. The waitress bluntly asked me if I thought she was stupid. By now I was too hungry to care so I sheepishly shut up and ate like a good little soldier.

When the comment card came, I gave her a perfect “0”  and explained how rude and slow the service had been. Would you believe that she read over my shoulder as I wrote? What followed was a tantrum so obscene that I asked my friends if I was on a hidden camera show. That snotty but, sincere remark made her even angrier and she started hurling the “f-bomb” at me. Being perfectly mature, I started laughing……..hard!

We threw our money down on the table and tried to get the hell out of there. She followed me right to the door –  still fuming. Just before I dropped the comment card in the box, I stopped, tore it in four and tossed the pieces at her feet – encouraging her to forget the damn thing entirely. “I work hard at my job, you ASSHOLE!” she screamed.

I smiled broadly and pointed just over her shoulder at her manager who was intently watching the final act in this little drama unfold.

The food was fine but, you burned my boss:

As much fun as it is to highlight bad behavior, I love to tell stories about “the good guys,” too.

During my ever first business trip, my boss and I stopped for dinner at place that happened to be called “Casey’s.” I’d been there several times before and genuinely liked the food. This time, I noticed that they were selling great big coffee mugs with the logo on them. I asked the waitress how much they were and when she told me, I asked her to please bring me one.

Faster than you could say “on a separate bill,” my boss (who purely incidentally was a woman) vetoed the request and said that there was no way in hell the company was paying for a coffee mug. She then turned to the waitress and barked at her to “quit staring like a bozo and bring our bills.”

Along with the bills, she also brought me a neatly wrapped mug. I noticed that she hadn’t charged me for it and questioned the mistake. “It’s OK, mister. You can keep it. It’s a gift from me!” She smiled at me, gave my boss the single worst stink-eye I’ve ever seen, and walked away. I added the cost of the mug to her already substantial tip which I left in cash and didn’t expense.

The moral of this edition of “Kindergarten Nonsense”  is thus a simple one. Painful as it may be at times, there is no excuse for bad manners – especially in the food service industry. It may be extremely tempting to drop the old “f-bomb” when voicing your complaint but, the only likely consequence is someone spitting in your food.

You may also want to consider filing your comment cards online.

 

Casey Ryan is the creator and host of the Cutting Room Floor talk-radio podcast. For the past 3 years, the show has sought to highlight the works of independent entertainers of all types. The half hour segments air live on Sundays at 12 PM EST with recorded copies posted shortly afterward. A self proclaimed pop-culture addict, Casey is always trying to read up on the latest entertainment news stories. His film education consists of a lifetime of watching and studying movies.

He holds a BA in Industrial Relations and Economics as well as a diploma in Sciences. For the past 10 years he has enjoyed a prolific career in corporate sales – often using his skills to help his guests market their work on air. Proud of his Irish heritage, Casey sits on the Board of Directors of the Montreal Chapter of the Ireland-Canada Chamber of Commerce – a volunteer group seeking to create greater business ties between the 2 countries. He is also a member of the Montreal Press Club. Casey was born and raised in Montreal, Canada where he currently lives with his wife of 7 years.

Twitter: https://twitter.com/cuttingroommrb
Show URL: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/81947

 

Thank you Casey for another terrific article! We welcome reader comments below. Please share your own stories of restaurant Kindergarten Nonsense with us below.