YOU NEVER PROMISED ME A BARBIE DREAM HOUSE - Rachel Thompson

Rachel Thompson

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YOU NEVER PROMISED ME A BARBIE DREAM HOUSE

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YOU NEVER PROMISED ME A BARBIE DREAM HOUSE 

 

I am not a Barbie.

 

Well, let’s look at it another way. When you were a kid, did you play with your Barbie dolls or GI Joe action figures, or with the packaging?

 

I read a post recently by a woman who said that a wife needs to look pretty for her husband at all times; she felt this kept him home, and motivated him to buy her the dream house she’d been pining for. Score!

 

Hey, everyone’s marriage is different. But my feminist back got slightly riled up at this one.

 

I’m not a bad-looking chick. I clean up real nice most of the time and I often do and recommend that Before you do pest control on your own home, stop and read this article first. But…I’m not a Barbie by any means. Despite being a redhead in a sea of blondes, I can often be found in leggings, a soft tee, and no makeup. After all, the only one who sees me during the day is Simon, my MacBook Air (yea, I named him. Shut up.), and, to be quite honest, he’s pretty quiet about my looks.

 

Of course, I do caress his keys all day.

 

Most days, my guy is so engrossed in his own business, when he does deign to speak with me, he rarely looks at me. Even if his eyes are on me, they’re not looking at me. Know what I mean? His brain is going a mile a minute, problem solving, two steps ahead of our current conversation. That’s just how he functions.

 

Sure, I put on makeup when I feel like it or when it’s appropriate to do so. In fact, I’m a total cosmetics junkie and quite enjoy applying the war paint, especially on my green eyes (people seem to like my eyes). For the most part, however, my guy just taps his foot and wonders ‘When will you be done?’

 

Isn’t it romantic?

 

(I even dress up occasionally with actual high heels. Once in awhile I get a little fancy. Shhhh…..)

 

So what exactly pissed me off so much about this article? I suppose the presumption that in order for her to have her Barbie Dream House:

 

A) She needed a husband to buy it for her in the first place,

B) She needed to earn it by being pretty,

C) She wouldn’t keep a husband if she doesn’t do whatever it takes to be pretty for him.

 

Gag.

 

In a truly intimate relationship, shouldn’t your partner see you at your best and worst?

 

Isn’t our home supposed to be our sanctuary?

 

I don’ t disagree with making an effort. Don’t get me wrong. That’s not my point.

 

Let’s discuss attraction. What makes people attracted to each other in the first place? I don’t know her, so I can’t say a thing about her marriage. I can only speak of mine. We have chemistry, even after all these years. Our bodies fit, we complement each other on an emotional level (when he isn’t more in love with the remote control, that is #Mancode), and we are raising good, sweet kids. Does that mean things won’t change? Who knows? I don’t have a crystal ball but I certainly hope not.

 

I will step around the cliché about what’s on the inside, because I do believe we all need to take care of ourselves in order to stick around this planet long enough to lead enriching lives together, whatever that takes. If her way is to look pretty for her husband to get stuff or avoid a divorce, more power to her.

 

But here’s my belief: if we nurture our inner lives together – emotionally, sexually, intimately – then I believe the outer packaging, while important, is still the first thing to be ripped off the present.

 

Share your Barbie thoughts below. 

 

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Comments

  2. So shoot me, but I have always loathed women whose greatest aspiration is to marry a man to buy her stuff. Dammit, I will go out and buy my own shit!

    I was horrified to learn recently that only 1% of women in Australia have 6 figure salaries. Now I know there are a multitude of reasons for that, including for the most part the need to juggle kids and career, often resulting in part-time work or loss of career, but women who aspire to be nothing more than kept women are certainly not helping the cause.

    In addition to that, women who are dependent on men certainly aren’t helping the cause of women in general to be viewed as independent and equal. I nearly died the day a man told me he was smarter than me because he is, well, a man. Women like this perpetuate that perception.

    This is not to say women can’t choose to stay at home and care for their kids if that is what they believe is the best decision for their family, but consciously making that decision for the welfare of the family unit is different to sitting around waiting for a man to give you stuff. Don’t even get me started on what example this is setting in terms of taking responsibility for oneself, demonstrating initiave, being pro-active, good work ethic etc.

    Reply

    • I quit my pharma job in ’04 to stay home and because I hated the job. There was no question I would at some point have to do something else, and thus my writing and social media consulting happened in an organic manner. But if I had stayed, I would have shrunk down to nothing. My creative life wasn’t being fed.

      There’s something to be said for having a partner you CAN depend on in times of struggle; but that should be true of any kind of marriage or long-term relationship. Everyone has different goals and is at a different point in their lives. I just want to pay my rent and feed my kids. The thought of anything beyond that — vacation, entertainment, a second home — that all goes on Pinterest at this point.

      Reply

  5. This whole post had me laughing . . . the gender roles we all play is an interesting thing to witness in real life and read about too. What about people who are allergic to most kinds of make-up? Is it okay for the husbands to get round beer bellies once they hit middle age? Yikes, and thanks for writing this post.

    Reply

  11. Agreed, ladies: buy your own dream house. As for the “wrapping” I say find the level you can maintain and be comfortable, but don’t take anything for granted. Good relationships need maintenance which sometimes is a step above basic hygiene.

    Reply

  14. This kind of thing irks the crap out of me! As a still single lady in her 30’s (gulp!), yes it would be nice to have someone, to ease the financial burden, because, well, it’s tough out here on your own! However, I have a co-worker who never fails to advise me to find a rich man…uh, not on my list of priorities. Hard worker, have a job, treat me well, and for god’s sake, don’t cheat or lie to me, and I’ll be happy. Money means so little in the grand scheme of things. I’ve known folks with money whom you couldn’t pay me enough to switch places with them!

    Reply

    • It’s true, money can’t buy you love. My guy and I still struggle to make ends meet but we do it together, using our individual skills. The gal I wrote about is a smart woman, an author and writing coach. She’s clearly very smart. I’m sure she’s worked very hard in her life and marriage to achieve the goal of her dream house — I don’t mean to take that away from her.

      It was simply the connection of making oneself look pretty to getting stuff that irked me. And that’s what I bring to the table.

      Reply

  16. You feminist get riled, so easily. 🙂 I do agree with Justin though. Most of the men I know that would agree with the premise of that womans post hasn’t seen their d*ck in about 10 years because of their gut. Like that’s attractive. Oh well, time for a new season of True Blood and I’ve got to hit the gym. Talk about feeling inadequate. Geez!! If I don’t, there’s no way I’ll ever find that sugar mama who’ll dress me in the latest Italian fashions and buy me that big house on the French Riviera I’m fond of. I guess turnabout is fair play. Incidently, if you would like to know, attitude, intelligence and heart make a woman sexy, not makeup, not shoes, and yes Rachel, not even Prada. 🙂 Another good post.

    Just Another Minion

    Reply

    • Thanks, Wes. I had a chance to chat a cool young dude while in NYC this week for BEA and he said something similar. Here he was at lunch with three smart, successful women and he felt like a king, picking our brains as to what makes us tick, how we’ve achieved our successes.

      Of course, at some point, the talk turned to sex (put women in a room, the talk turns to sex), and he was allllll ears.

      Smart guy.

      And I don’t even think he noticed my shoes were Prada.

      Reply

  31. My 72-year-old aunt, who is the most gorgeous woman, both inside and out, I have ever known, forwarded an email to me that said: “Women will never be equal until they can walk down the street bald, with a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.”

    True. My 63-year-old best-friend-hubby is bald, his gut would rival octomom’s on the eve of giving birth, but he KNOWS he is one sexy biker dude.

    The sexiest things about my man is how he loves me no matter what I look like. So long as I don’t try to grab the remote out of his hand, that is.

    You named your MacBook Simon?

    Reply

    • Ha, yes, I truly did. And my coffeemaker is Joey.

      I just spent the week in NYC at BEA (Book Expo America) and had the chance to do a lot of people watching. There were so many beautiful, older women there in all manners of dress. It was satisfying to see. Publishing has so many women. The only place I STILL saw lots of white men were on many of the panels. That was a bit disappointing.

      Hey, women rock. We’re smart and beautiful. It’s just time people catch up to that fact.

      Reply

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