Predators Among Us by guest author @HefferonJoe

Rachel Thompson

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Predators Among Us by guest author @HefferonJoe

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I’m honored to have author (The Seventh Level) and retired police officer Joe Hefferon guest today. I asked him to specifically discuss sexual assault and ways we can all protect ourselves and our loved ones. Great advice here, people! 

I also encourage you to join #DadChat tonight, 6pm PST/9pm EST  where I’m guest hosting and discussing my own experience as a childhood survivor of sexual abuse (by a neighbor). If you’re a Twitter user, simply type in that hashtag in Search and you’ll see all the tweets go by. Or, go to Twubs.com, enter the hashtag once, and follow the chat from there. 

 

Predators Among Us by Joe Hefferon 

 

Yes. They are among us. We have to accept it. Denial is deadly.stalking

 

That being said, let’s also realize you don’t need to live in fear; you are not likely to be a victim of violence. However, you must, must, must accept the fact that violence happens and use that reality to affect small changes in your behavior that may save your life.

 

Protecting yourself is no different from protecting your home or business. Most of us don’t go to bed at night worrying the house will catch fire, but we’ve accepted that fires occur so we install alarms, conduct family fire drills (I hope), and take other precautions to minimize the possibility of starting a fire in the first place.

 

The same attitude must be adopted for personal safety. So doing things such as: not walking alone at night, carrying a flashlight to check your car, not getting on an elevator with a man when leaving the office late at night, are all simple precautionary devices we should employ as part of that acceptance. It doesn’t make you a scaredy-cat; it makes you smart. I was in law enforcement for 25 years and I worked in one of the most crime-ridden cities in the northeast, so I know when I am in the presence of a criminal.

 

The good news is: so do you.

 

We are all endowed with what Professor Malcolm Gladwell calls “Rapid Cognition.” It’s an ability to recognize signs of danger that flash before us in milliseconds. “It’s thinking—it’s just thinking that moves a little faster and operates a little more mysteriously than the kind of deliberate, conscious decision-making that we usually associate with thinking.”

 

The detection happens so quickly that it registers on a subconscious level. This is why certain people make us feel creepy even when they seem to be saying the right thing for the situation. That creepy or uneasy feeling is a gift (see security expert Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear) that could keep you from being attacked. gift of fear

 

We have an innate ability to spot subtle body movements and micro-facial expressions that are clues to the mal-intent of the predator with whom we are interacting. Maggie Pazian is one of the nations leading experts in FACS, the Facial Action Coding System. She explains that deception, though recognized on a subconscious level, sends us emotional clues i.e., autonomic, reactive signals such as fear or anger that are inherent and there to protect us. We cannot dismiss them.

 

We have survived as a species because of our hardwired ability to recognize danger in such things as posture and demeanor. The problem with many women is they want to be nice, be polite, and ‘do the right thing,’ so they give the inebriated coworker a ride home, or let a stranger help them carry the groceries inside or let the gas “inspector” come into her apartment.

 

In most, if not all, human interaction, a person’s true emotional state often leaks out in the form of micro-facial expressions. There are seven universal facial expressions: happiness, sadness, fear, surprise, anger, contempt and disgust. Although there is not a singular definitive signal for deception, there is often a leakage of true intent, manifested mostly through the face. Depending on the situation, the clues can be critical. So that man who just wants to help you with your clogged toilet, may leak out, in the form of micro-expressions, his real attitude toward you as prey. He will show his contempt for or anger with you as a female – a thing, in his sick mind, to be used, humiliated and ridden from his twisted life.

 

Our brains are startlingly quick in seeing these anomalies on a pre-conscious level, but the good news is our bodies warn us. We get that cold feeling, our skin crawls, and we feel fearful or angry. We have a lifetime of experience at our disposal to recognize these signs. The key to avoiding a violent assault is to act on them rather than second-guess them, to avoid rather than escape. Who cares if it turns out you were wrong? It’s better to be embarrassed than be a victim.

 

Don’t talk yourself into a bad situation. Trust yourself. Accept that bad things happen to good people and take the necessary precautions. Be aware. Be perceptive. Be smart – survive.

 

joe hefferon author picDo you have questions for Joe? He’s a wonderful guy and happy to help keep people safe. Follow him on Twitter or his site. 

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Comments

  1. This is a very interesting article by Joe and he is indeed a really good chap with advice worth listening to.

    Reply

  2. That’s a great article. When I was a newspaper reporter I definitely got that creepy feeling from a number of people, and they weren’t always men.

    Love,
    Janie

    Reply

  18. Great post. I think it’s especially critical to teach our children the difference between being respectful or “obedient” to adults and being aware of dangers. Our kids need to have the confidence to know when to say no to protect themselves.

    Reply

    • Absolutely. SO true. And it’s not just ‘stranger danger’ which is what we tend to focus on, when in actuality, only 1 in 10 assaults on kids are from strangers, whereas 3 in 10 are a family member and 6 in 10 — 6 IN 10 — are family friends, teachers, church leaders, or coaches.

      Having open discussions with our kids is critical to keeping them safe.

      Reply

  29. Hi Joe,

    Very insightful, and I loved the use of the pun in your post here : “So that man who just wants to help you with your clogged toilet, may leak out, in the form of micro-expressions …. ”

    Forgive me, as a writer and lover of wordplay, I thought this was quite brilliant.

    I can certainly see how some women may choose not to offend rather than trust their intuition in potentially dangerous situations. I’ve been there, and but for the grace of some higher power, did not get attacked or worse.

    Age, world weariness, and experience have certainly made me more cautious of people, but I still consider myself quite open and trustworthy. I do believe it’s possible to both trust and not be stupidly naive.

    FACS sounds so interesting and I must read more on that.

    Appreciate all the helpful information, thank you,

    eden

    Reply

    • Thank you for the kind words Eden. I too enjoy the word play but I can’t take credit for it here. In the world of deception, from criminal investigation to the broader aspects covered by FACS, leakage is the word use to describe the involuntary exposing of micro-expressions, emotion or other forms of ‘tells’.
      Apart from that, it’s true we have the innate ability to recognize signs of danger. We survived as a species because of it.

      Reply

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