If you’re going to be on social media, hopefully you’ve learned that it’s about connection and interaction, sharing interesting content, networking (hate that word), and building a fan base. What about when it’s not, though? What about when it’s about people who are trying to rile us up, or create icky sexual situations, or think they’re funny when in reality they’re just embarrassing themselves? Are those people even worth our time? 
Let’s deconstruct.
DMs (Direct Messages) on Twitter
If you’re on Twitter, you know what a DM is — a private way to converse with someone without your (or their) timeline seeing it. I find this feature useful in connecting with people on a more personal level — no, not in a sticky, icky sexual way (I’ll get to that below) — more as friends chatting about weird Aunt Mary or the fight they had with their husband over lasagne.
However, it’s seemingly also a way for people to send inappropriate messages (‘wanna hook up?’). And if that’s your thing, cool. No judgement here. But what about those of us who are there for business reasons: to connect with readers, bloggers, reviewers, and influencers? Why on earth would you look at my profile and ask if I wanna see a picture of your thing? (And, ewwww. No.)
DMs are also notoriously a way to get hacked. The other day a guy sent me this: ‘Want 771 free followers fast? Click here!’ and while I give him points for alliteration, I immediately knew he’d been hacked. People: check your OUTGOING DMs! When I suggested he’d been hacked and should change his password (an easy fix), he yelled at me for accusing him of something blah blah — to be honest I gave up and blocked him.
The lesson here: don’t EVER click on a link in DM. You are giving away your account info. (Another lesson apparently, don’t try to help someone who has been hacked.) Tip: If you don’t follow someone, they can’t DM you. I like that. 🙂
My solution? Ignore and block. I used to try to help folks, letting them know they’ve been hacked. Now, I realize that it’s just not worth my time. Tip: Tired of receiving #AUTODMs? Go here: http://unfollowers.me/dnd and click on the BIG BLUE button (Do Not DM). This works. Also, do not sign up for any kind of auto DM welcome service. AutoDMs suck and most people will immediately unfollow you.
PMs (Private Messages on Facebook)
PMs on Facebook are the same as DMs, but on Facebook. Again, I find them incredibly useful for connecting privately with friends and clients. And again, it’s also a place for weird people to leave icky messages about hooking up, or a prize, or wanting banking info (I mean).
Don’t believe me? Check your OTHER folder sometime. I dare you not to feel like you have to take six showers when you’re done with that fun task. Unsure about how to find your Other folder? See below:
To get to your Other folder, click Messages on the left side of the homepage, then click Other on the top left. You can move a message to your inbox by replying to it, or by opening the message and selecting Move to Inbox for the Actions menu.
My solution? Again, ignore and block. Don’t interact. Don’t engage. Don’t waste your time. That said, check your Other folder occasionally — there could be an important message in there from someone you don’t know about a real gig or opportunity — doubtful, but you never know!
I have my email listed on my sites, because it’s how many clients find me. Unfortunately, it’s also how trolls and weirdos find us, too. I used to respond to all messages (except the bizarro ones). Now… I don’t. And despite writing tons of free articles and giving out tips daily, people still email me asking for me to help them free of charge. We can’t possibly respond to every piece of mail we receive daily. Some people use filtering programs, which can help quite a bit for time management purposes.
And as much as I’d love to work free of charge and respond to every person, my landlord doesn’t take smiles as payment. I know, right? What an arse.
BLOG COMMENTS Always respond to blog comments. People took the time to read what you wrote — surely you have time to thank them! Use your manners, basically. I love WordPress because it filters spam for me, which is a huge timesaver. It also asks you to approve comments from unknowns — so if you are stalked or trolled, the comment won’t show up (and if it does, simply remove it).
I’m always amazed at how many people don’t respond to comments, yet want to receive them. What is that? Get over yourself. If you want people to respond to your work, acknowledge that: share theirs, leave comments on their blog — don’t expect anything in return and people will surprise you.
And remember, a great way to get traffic to your blog and meet other bloggers: #MondayBlogs. Use the hashtag on Mondays (Tip: I start RTing late Sunday nights, PST for our European, Asian, and Oz friends), share any post, retweet others. Like our Facebook page, and enter our May contest to be our featured blogger! What are your thoughts on responding? Please share below.
Have you signed up yet for my newsletter? I never share email addresses, and only sent out occasional updates. Promise!
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Mannie says
May 19, 2014 at 1:31 amThe keyword here is to learn to ‘ignore’ which I’ve learnt to do. BTW, its my first time on this blog. Nice writeup.
A new fan from Africa.
Rachel Thompson says
May 19, 2014 at 12:49 pmThanks so much, Mannie! Yes, it’s sometimes difficult to ignore because we are raised (women especially) to acknowledge, be polite. But with all the info coming at us daily, sometimes the way to handle things is ignore and block if necessary. Others may disagree, but I’d rather answer comments here than spend ANY time dealing with trolls or stalkers. I mean.
🙂
Norah Colvin says
May 19, 2014 at 3:51 amHi Rachel,
Another great post with excellent advice, thanks. I do try to follow your advice and love #Mondayblogs. At the moment the beginning of the week is the busiest time for me so I can’t always read as much as I’d like to but do what I can. I have made some wonderful connections using #Mondayblogs and appreciate the value in it.
I agree with you about responding to all comments on my blog. It is common courtesy, and I have enjoyed some great discussions on my own and other blogs. Sometimes though, when a comment is made, perhaps in return to a comment I made on another’s blog, the only thing required is a smile. I’m not sure about leaving that. It’s a bit like the teenagers on the phone (in the old days) “You hang up first” “No, you hang up first”. Sometimes I leave the smile, thank you or agree, but sometimes I don’t. I wonder, when I don’t, if they realise I have read the comment. Always a bit unsure of that one.
Rachel Thompson says
May 19, 2014 at 12:47 pmI personally feel it’s worth a quick line like ‘thank you for reading and commenting’ so they know you have seen it and the reply is a way to acknowledge their efforts. It doesn’t take much more than a few seconds and can help insure they will come back again at some point.
I don’t think you have to answer every comment RIGHT AWAY — it’s your blog, so do it when you can. We all have real lives which take us away from online (as it should!), and if someone is offended you haven’t responded within whatever time frame, that’s their issue. Do what works best for you! xx
Sebella Blue says
May 19, 2014 at 4:37 amThank you for your GREAT post. I had no idea about an “other” message folder on FB! Thanks to your post, I found messages from a cousin I had been trying to track down for 15 years. You reunited a family.
Rachel Thompson says
May 19, 2014 at 12:06 pmwow, really? That’s AWESOME! How exciting. thank you for sharing that with me, Sebella. You made my day! xx
Marilyn Chapman says
May 19, 2014 at 4:52 amGreat advice. I really do wish, though, that blogger and wordpress interacted with each other…
Rachel Thompson says
May 19, 2014 at 12:44 pmYes, that would be helpful, Marilyn. Clearly, different companies so doubtful that will happen. What’s interesting is that WP is so much more advanced than blogger, which is a Google product. Not sure I get that! lol. If blogger was anywhere close to as effective as WP, more would use it or stay with it. That said, it is a good beginner platform.
Julia Barrett says
May 19, 2014 at 8:10 amGreat information because auto-DMs drive me insane and I didn’t know how to stop them from coming. My profile says ‘no DMs’. But obviously that doesn’t work. And yes, I am blocking people who’ve been hacked and don’t know it. I gave up telling them they’d been hacked long ago. Thanks, Rachel.
Rachel Thompson says
May 19, 2014 at 12:43 pmThank you for reading, Julia and your kind comments.
Sadly, those who send those autoDMs aren’t active enough on Twitter to actually READ what you put in your bio, so it falls on deaf ears basically. And if they have TrueTwit? Forget it. Maybe 1 out of 100 will follow me back. the rest I block so I don’t have to keep dealing with it.
Definitely a pain. xx
Joy says
May 19, 2014 at 10:35 amI really love the #MondayBlogs. It’s a chance for me to read other blog posts that interest me that I would ordinarily not have found. And the DM messages, some of the are really ewww! Great tips!
Rachel Thompson says
May 19, 2014 at 12:41 pmThanks Joy! I appreciate you reading and weighing in. Yea, DMs can be shower-inducing sometimes. xx
Janie Junebug says
May 19, 2014 at 2:32 pmI wondered about those DMs on Twitter. No one wants to hook up with me, but lots of people want to provide me with 7 million followers. Thanks for the information.
Love,
Janie
Rachel Thompson says
May 19, 2014 at 7:45 pmLOL, isn’t it wonderful? 7 million followers for only $31.03 or something bizarro like that.
Silliness.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Janie 😉 xx
ian says
May 19, 2014 at 5:45 pmYes, especially the comments. I try to comment on blogs I read and I always appreciate it when someone leaves me a comment so we can engage in a discourseof sorts.
Rachel Thompson says
May 19, 2014 at 6:58 pmThanks Ian, I appreciate you reading and commenting. Yes, it’s nice when people interact — isn’t that why we write in the first place? I’m personally not writing for the gaping void — I doubt anyone else is either, right?
We’re here — let’s talk! xx
The Animated Woman says
May 19, 2014 at 6:19 pmThe Other folder is full of interesting things, right? One more to add, because I just noticed it happened to me twice in the last month – a stranger friend requests me on FB, and appears to have a whole group of friends in common. Turned out to be spammers.
Gotta thank-you for #MondayBlogs Rachel. I love it.
Rachel Thompson says
May 19, 2014 at 7:01 pmThat IS interesting, isn’t it? Spammers aren’t dumb — I’m not sure I get the point of the spammers — I suppose getting information out of us? Still haven’t figured it out yet but meanwhile, keep blocking the damn things!
Carol Graham says
May 19, 2014 at 7:15 pmFirst time here. Liked all your tips and knew about most of them except the Other folder. I always reply to each comment on my blog and love the interaction. I will appreciate what you have to share in the future.
Thank you
Carol @ Battered Hope
Rachel Thompson says
May 19, 2014 at 7:43 pmHi Carol! Thanks for visiting. I share A LOT more tips like these on my business blog BadRedheadMedia.com — lots of practical tips on social media, blogging, marketing, etc. I mostly share the occasional social post here more as a way to let off steam LOL.
Thanks again and I hope you make it back soon!
Gene'O says
May 19, 2014 at 10:44 pmIt would be really helpful to me to know how Monday Blogs works. Do I only send one link, or can it be any number? (I wouldn’t go crazy – can’t imagine sending more than three in a week, and they would be spaced out. One at 8 another at noon, another at 3. You know).
What I’ve been doing so far is sharing links from other bloggers (not my own links), and only one per week.
Thanks for the link in the related content – not sure if it’s autogenerated and I got lucky, or if it was chosen, but either way, a nice break for me 🙂
Rachel Thompson says
May 20, 2014 at 2:01 pmHi Geneo — Here’s a link to how #MondayBlogs works, but basically, you ONLY post on Mondays and only blog posts. Retweet others, follow them, etc.
Post on your blog any day of the week, but only share on Twitter using the #MondayBlogs hashtag on Mondays. Hope that helps? Thanks. You can also follow on Twitter http://Twitter.com/MondayBlogs — thanks!
Barbara Radisavljevic says
May 21, 2014 at 9:44 amGreat advice. Another kind of tweet to avoid is an @________ from an egg (though not always an egg) with a link and nothing else. The senders normally have no followers, few, if any, tweets, and follow no one. What legitimate reason can they have for being there? None. Don’t click their links or they are bound to land your account in hot water.
Rachel Thompson says
May 21, 2014 at 1:13 pmyes, agreed! especially if it’s in DM — those are ‘phishing’ and that ONE click gives them control of your Twitter account. Thanks for sharing that, Barbara!
Tammy Soong says
May 22, 2014 at 10:41 amGreat advice as usual, Rachel! I hate the auto DM. I say it’s like getting the unsigned Robin card from the Batman Valentine’s pack.
And I had no idea that they could get control of your account like that! Eeek!
Rachel Thompson says
May 22, 2014 at 6:47 pmThank you, Tammy. Yes, it’s scary, really. And what’s worse: many have NO idea they’ve been hacked and end up sending out multiple spammy DMs without their knowledge. That’s why I always tell people never to click on a link in a DM and also, to check your DMs to see what’s going out.
Sara Eastler says
May 26, 2014 at 6:19 amWow, Rachel, I never knew the Other folder existed. Thanks for opening my eyes. Also, yes, I’ve had that DM experience on Twitter as well. Now I know better! Thank you and love your sense of humor. Sara
Rachel Thompson says
May 26, 2014 at 11:59 amAw, thank you Sara 🙂 Yes, that OTHER folder is a bit of a scary eye-opener lol. Thanks for reading and commenting. xx
Kay says
May 26, 2014 at 12:12 pmAuto DMs are the devil’s work. No matter how excited I am to follow that person I’ll automatically unfollow. And then subtweet about it lol
And I’m a huge proponent of responding to comments. Every comment gets a reply on my blog, even if it’s just to say thanks. The first thing I look for when I visit a blog is author interaction. If you don’t take the time to acknowledge your fans, why should I become one?
*off topic* Thanks for making your site so easy to read. I visited from Twitter on my tablet and the words were nice and big. It seems like such a small thing (pun intended) but I’ve left blogs before because I didn’t feel like struggling to read them. Kudos.
Rachel Thompson says
May 26, 2014 at 6:23 pmThanks so much for reading and commenting, Kay! AutoDMs ARE the devil’s work, you are so right. and yes, it’s fun to make fun of the ridiculousness but is still frustrating. grrrrr.
Thanks for the feedback on my site, also. We’ve worked hard to make it mobile-friendly. So glad it is!
Beth says
May 26, 2014 at 12:37 pmDidn’t know that about Direct Messages on Twitter. Thanks for educating me!
I have my personal email address listed on my website…don’t think I’m a ‘big enough deal’ yet to have to separate real messages from creepy ones, but someday I might have to make a separate personal account.
Rachel Thompson says
June 2, 2014 at 2:37 amYou’re quite welcome. DMs are great — except when they’re not! and with email — some people have multiple accounts to attempt to keep spam at bay, but I think it just spreads it across even more networks.
As with anything, do what’s best for you 😉