There is nothing that I detest more than having someone tell me what I can and cannot write about. When someone tries to censor my storytelling by telling me not to write about certain topics….I get pissed. My stomach twists with aggravated frustration. It makes me anxious and stresses me to the max.
I’M A WRITER!
I am a writer. I write about everything from mundane days to childhood memories and traumatic experiences. Sometimes, I mention certain people in these stories, but I always try to be respectful and I always keep their personal details out of it. I am telling a story from my perspective. Does it make you uncomfortable when I’ve referenced you in some way? Too bad for you, I guess.
I believe we should write our own truth, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only truth.
There are multiple sides to every story. We are all adults here; we know that. We should understand that. My perception of something may be different from yours and that is fine: it’s still important, it’s still a side of a story that I deserve to share. I would never dare to tell someone what they should or shouldn’t write about: it’s up to them, it’s their story.
WHAT IF…
Imagine if someone told Anne Frank that she shouldn’t write about her life during the Holocaust. Imagine that she had listened. There would be no Diary of Anne Frank if Anne had kept those harrowing experiences a secret. Does that seem fair, that Anne should be silenced because her words made others a little uncomfortable?
Hell, no. The world needed to read Anne’s diary, Anne’s story. I’m really glad that she ignored the dangers and the people who tried to silence her by continuing to write. She risked it all to be heard. Her story was important, her experiences were important. She mattered.
This is the reason why I struggle to write my memoir. To write anything, really. I had a hard time writing my first novel. I was terrified of the love scenes and the traumatic scenes, terrified of upsetting someone or being told I “shouldn’t write like that.” I can’t help but feel like they think it is perfectly okay for other people to write like that, but not me. When I do it, it’s ‘bad.’
I had to push past so many boundaries in order to get over myself enough to write the story I wanted. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but I won’t backtrack now. I won’t undo all the hard work I’ve done.
I won’t censor myself to appease someone else.
I’m probably not the only writer this happens to. I’m probably not the only person who is given strict instructions to “not write about this.” Each time a friend confides in me that they feel censored, that they can’t discuss something they desperately need to discuss…I tell them to just do it, just write it out.
THE STRUGGLE
And yet…I struggle with letting it go. I struggle with not letting that censoring become a mental block in my creativity.
Maybe it affects me so profoundly because I desperately wish to make everyone proud. I desperately wish to be the person that they (humbly) brag about.
I want the approval, but I won’t get it if I write about the things I want to write about, the things that have shaped who I am today. They don’t understand my need to purge words from my system, to create beauty out of tragedy. To leave behind a legacy of words that impacts others in some small way.
I need to learn how to live without the approval, or how to live with duct tape over my mouth and splinters in my skin.
Guess we know which one wins out in the end. (Hint, it’s not the duct tape and splinters).
About J.C. Hannigan:
J.C. Hannigan lives in Ontario, Canada with her husband, their two sons, and two dogs. She writes new adult romance, through which she brings to light awareness of mental health and social challenges. Like any good Canadian, she loves hiking and carbs. Collide is her first novel.
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cindy says
June 1, 2015 at 4:06 amThis happened to me yesterday. A family member told me to “run it by her” if I ever mentioned her, her husband, or her baby in my blog or on any social media. And photos are taboo, too. “Chances are we will be fine with it if consulted first.” Since I’ve been blogging (not that often and mostly in passing) about my son since 2002, I felt censored. Dismissed. Dissed. Pissed. I will not be asking her permission to write anything. I would rather omit them. Was this an attempt to shame and silence me, to put me in my rightful place?
J.C. Hannigan says
June 3, 2015 at 6:34 amThat’s hard. I’ve definitely been there before. In fact, any time someone goes to tell me something, they start out with “Please do not put this anywhere on the Internet.”
Censoring a writer is a lot like clipping the wings of a wild bird. It’s not fair, or right. Big hugs to you Cindy, and thank you for commenting. Xoxo
Luke Kendall says
June 6, 2015 at 7:10 amBut you have to balance that against privacy, trust, and confidentiality, don’t you? If a friend confides a juicy secret to you, you wouldn’t blog about it, right? And if you photograph family members, you might facebook them in your circles, but you wouldn’t put them on a public blog, would you?
Isn’t there a big difference between writing about real people you know, and writing about difficult issues by using fictional(ised) characters? I think the latter is what J.C. is talking about.
Matthew Eaton says
June 1, 2015 at 4:56 amAh yes, the eternal struggle of a writer. I know this far too well. I can look at the husks of my previous manuscripts and wonder what would happen if.
And then I get a massive panic attack and scamper away like a little bunny.
Thank you for sharing this, it helps me put words to what I am thinking and let’s me know I’m not alone.
J.C. Hannigan says
June 3, 2015 at 6:35 amThank you for reaching out to let me know you can relate – THAT helps me a lot. When you feel silenced, you often feel isolated in that silence.
Kate Woods says
June 1, 2015 at 8:26 amBravo! Well said, well spoken, well written! I think this is a concept that causes many writers agony! How do I write what I want to write without offending anyone? Unfortunately, sometimes there is no way to do that! Perhaps it’s just all a part of the creative process of writing that many of us struggle with that often seems as difficult as walking in the rain without getting wet!
J.C. Hannigan says
June 3, 2015 at 6:36 amSo true Kate, so true! Sometimes, you need to stand in the rain and get a little wet!
Anita says
June 1, 2015 at 3:44 pmThe more I read of you J.C. the more I like you. What you’ve written here explains why you’ll be a famous novelist one day and why I won’t be. The censoring I feel is, for the most part, self imposed. In order to write a believable novel, it would need to include some of the ugliness of the real world. To omit it is to lie. The issue I have is I can’t bring myself to add ugliness (even imaginary) into a world that’s getting uglier all the time. I can read it well enough so the whole thing seems hypocritical even to me.
The issue you bring up about everyone wanting to edit your version of your experience is real. No two people experience a situation in the same way so for each their truth is true. When truths conflict issues arise. I have no doubt that you will triumphantly tell your stories – come what may – and I’ll be reading them!
J.C. Hannigan says
June 3, 2015 at 6:38 amThank you Anita! I have issues with self-imposed censoring as well, made worse by the censoring put forth by well-meaning people. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to add ugliness to the world. I can’t say I struggle with that – but only because I try to bring forth something good out of the ugliness, in some way shape or form.
Again, thank you so much for your kind words!