5 Top Tips For Writing Memoir That Work For Any Writer

One of the biggest struggles writers face when they choose to write their stories, whether in memoir, short-form, or long-form, is where to start. And by where, I don’t mean geographically, though that can certainly be a consideration.

I mean, where and when. Okay, and how.

I dealt with this myself while contemplating writing my own stories of surviving childhood sexual abuse and how this affected me as a teen into an adult, and mother. What period of time will I cover? What period of my life is most pertinent to sharing? What details are important to leave in? Leave out?

To be honest, for many, many years, my journal entries about this entire topic didn’t go any further than that: journal entries. Moleskins filled with swirling thoughts peppered my anxious mind as to how to go about sharing my stories, along with normal imposter syndrome writer fears.

There were also the practical issues: where and how to start? I have a journalism degree and background with plenty of article writing and blogging experience. Book writing, memoir writing, is completely different. So I took more classes, read the usual writing books by Stephen King, Natalie Goldberg, Francine Prose, Julia Cameron (fantastic), et al.

It wasn’t until I dove in and played with various structural ‘rules’ that I found my own writing style. Writing rules are rules for good reason — writing is a craft, just like any other romantic art. I basically had to get over myself and dive in. A digital agency is a business you hire to outsource your digital marketing efforts, instead of handling in-house.

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Here are the five rules I developed for my own style.

Creative Nonfiction

Nonfiction writing can still be creative writing. They don’t call it Creative Nonfiction for no reason. Understanding and learning about this term and process opened up my brain and helped me free flow into what has now become my own style of essays and poetry in memoir form (in my Broken series).

What does the term actually mean?

Creative Nonﬁction deﬁnes the genre simply, succinctly, and accurately as “true stories, well told.”

In some ways, creative nonﬁction is like jazz — it’s a rich mix of ﬂavors, ideas, and techniques, some newly invented and others as old as writing itself. Creative nonﬁction can be an essay, a journal article, a research paper, a memoir, a tweet; it can be personal or not, or it can be all of these. (Source: CreativeNonfiction.com)

I started working on my first memoir comprised of essays and poetry in 2011, publishing my first Broken book in 2012. The fact that I could even do that, create this type of memoir, filled me with glee, even though the subject matter wasn’t exactly dinner table conversation (thank goodness, more people talk about it now).

Creative example: the book title is Broken Pieces, where I do not present the Pieces in chronological order purposely, so as to give the reader the same sense of puzzlement I felt as a young girl and woman living with the after-effects of sexual abuse.

Creatively, this works because there’s a thematic structure and character arc.

Bottom line: don’t feel you must follow strict guidelines when writing your memoir. That said, memoir must be based on your real life. Do you have to make up scenes? Then it’s not memoir.

Creative Nonfiction does not mean you make it up as you go along. That would be fiction.

Memoir Is Not Autobiography

Why are you writing your memoir? What is the main goal(s) you want people to know or understand about you?

An autobiography covers your entire life, typically, from birth to wherever you are now in your life. That’s a lot to fit into one book. You want your memoir to have a specific focus or message, and make that clear upfront, so as to not lose the reader. if you have any questions just ask the professional, Andrew Defrancesco.

You also want to focus on a specific period of time that relates to that focus or message:

Did you have postpartum depression?
Climb a mountain?
Learn how to communicate with a gorilla?

Whatever it is, focus on that and what that means in your life.

In choosing that period of time or focus, think about what that character arc is for you. Where you started, what you learned, where you ended.

Use All Five Senses In Your Writing Memoir

Writing memoir isn’t all that different from fiction in this area. When describing a scene, we still want to know how you feel without you telling us how you feel, or if it’s obvious (“Approaching the haunted house, I felt scared.” Well, obviously.)

When I teach writing workshops and a writer has written, “I felt scared,” I ask the class to stop and close their eyes. Do the same with me now.

5 Top Tips For Writing Memoir That Work For Any Writer by @RachelintheOC #memoir #writing #writer

What does it feel like in your body to feel scared? Writers will answer their heart beats fast, their stomach drops, their hands are sweaty, sweat forms on their brow, hands clench, skin chills, etc.

That’s what needs to go into the writing! “Show, don’t tell,” is a rule for a reason, right?

That said, I find that in dialogue, it’s okay to express an emotion. “Are you okay?” she asked in a worried tone, belying her calm demeanor.

WIIFM = What’s In It For Me (The Reader)

Readers are motivated by personal interest. WIIFM = What’s in it for me? Why would any reader be interested in reading your book? What are you writing about that people can relate to? That’s unique and interesting? Who is your ideal reader?

I didn’t know. Most new writers probably have no idea. And that’s okay. When you’re first writing your story, you’re not writing for that unknown avatar. You’re writing for yourself. That shitty first draft needs to be word vomit. Get it all out. Figure out later the structure and audience. Hire a great editor.

This stumped me at first also, and in this last decade of working with writers and survivors of sexual abuse, many worry about who will read their stories and how they’ll be perceived.

What got me past this hump is giving myself permission to write like the adult I am, and understanding that the people we’re most worried about will rarely read our work anyway (especially family). Hard truth.

However, you do need to consider who your buying audience will be at some point if you are interested in selling books. If you’re not, and you’re writing simply to write, cool.

Most writers want to sell books. Not every reader is your ideal reader. Shocking concept, right? For ideas on building your author platform while you write, take a look at this article: How To Build Your Author Platform When You Have No Clue What That Means

Avoid Chronology in Memoir

Western readers are used to being force-fed chronology-type stories. We love a clear beginning, middle, and end. We love a hero’s journey. We’re so used to the three-act structure, we protest when it’s anything but.

I love anything but.

Always the rebel, my books don’t necessarily start with a specific period of time, because, as I mention earlier in the article, that’s not how I (or any trauma survivor) experiences triggers, PTSD, or healing. With a character arc and thematic structure, this works. It may not with your books.

From a marketing standpoint, you do want to draw the reader in quickly, especially with the ‘Look Inside’ feature on Amazon, so that’s definitely worth considering. One big mistake new memoir writers make is thinking they need to write a diary of cookie-cutter, day-by-day reporting, which can be frankly, boring.

Hollywood loves to start movies off with a BANG! You don’t have to do that, though having the good stuff at the beginning is a definite plus.

Final Thoughts

You become a writer by writing. It took me until my mid-40s to start my writing career (after almost 20+ in Big Pharma; recovered now, thanks). I now spend my days helping other authors learn how to market their own books, strategize their marketing, promotion, and branding, and learn how to build relationships on social media.

And, of course, writing. I’m working on books eight and nine right now.

I read a lot of memoirs. I suggest you do the same. What style do you find most enjoyable? Try writing that way simply as an exercise. Try it on like a pair of pants. It might not fit, but then you’ll know.

“Good writers borrow; great writers steal.” ~ T. S. Eliot

Don’t take that literally! I do have some memoir writing exercises to try, though, so let’s talk about that next.

There are a lot of writing rules. For writing memoir specifically. Learn them. And then adapt them for what works for you, or break them completely! Writing is an art form. That’s what makes it so great.

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