The Next Big Thing 
INTERVIEW with POET JESS KRISTIE
I’m beyond thrilled to present talented poet Jess Kristie to you today. We’ve known each other on Twitter and Facebook for over a year now and have supported each other all along. (Even though she tweets with hearts and flowers, I still adore her).
Her book of poetry about relationships, love, and sex touches my heart like no other. I hope you’ll agree.
Learn more about her here. Thanks so much, Jess for your time and all the fun!
Jessica Kristie Interview for Rachel Thompson
1) Please tell us how you came to publish your beautiful book of poetry Dreaming In Darkness and a bit about your background as a writer.
Around this time last year I was approached by a small publisher as I was getting my manuscript together. Although their submissions were closed, I was given a special invite to submit. I worked with an amazing editor and we got my book out there on eBook. They struggled to get my book out on paperback so I found a new publisher just recently who has obtained the rights and re-released my eBook with a new look and five new pieces as well as finally releasing the book on paperback. I am really happy with how it looks and proud of this collection of work.
I have been writing poetry since I was ten but have only taken writing up as a career the last several years. In addition, I focus on graphic design, business, marketing, editing and project management. I just recently finished a wonderful project: Inspiration Speaks, through ArtPlatform.org. You can order your copy at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Purchases benefit ColaLife.org.
WRITE YOUR OWN DAMN BOOK
aka THE D.I.A.L. STRATEGY FOR DEALING WITH CYBERBULLIES
I feel really fortunate that I’m in a career, finally, where I write whatever I want. Nobody is standing over my shoulder saying “Nope. You can’t say that.”
HIGH HIGHS & LOW LOWS
What an enormously crazy week here in #badredhead world.
BESTSELLER FOR A DAY IS THIS FRIDAY!
THE LITTLE SNARK BOOK THAT DID
Christmas has come and gone.
The clean-up fairy is hungover from partying with the elves.
Slut.
The stuff that was hung by the chimney with care is now strewn about the living room no matter how much I try to clean it up by wiggling my nose.
I’m under deadline and have a migraine.
The boy needs a bath and the tween is sick — again.
My poor husband is drowning in Legos and even his old man glasses aren’t helping.
I’d kill for a double martini about now. Or a double caffeine shot. Hmmm…
I think I’ve watched too much That 70s Show. I’m this close to finding out where Fez is from, dammit.
The good news?
My first book, A Walk In The Snark is actually ranked higher on the Amazon charts than Shit My Dad Says AND Go The Fuck To Sleep.
Me. My little Snark book. Say What…The Fuck? Or is it holy shit? #teehee
(That’s just so much fun to say.)
Me: Babe, my book is ranked higher than the Shit and Fuck books. Hus: Haven’t we discussed cursing in front of the children?
Sigh.
How did I get here? Through my unnonsupermodel good looks? No. Because I’m a marketing genius? Well, maybe. Naw, kidding.
But I do work with smart people. And okay, I do know a few things.
I hear from authors all the time they’re disappointed a particular promotion didn’t work, or that after a few weeks of tweeting, they’re upset they haven’t sold more books. Some discuss poor Amazon sales but have no reviews up…um, what?
Snap out of it!
When you’re an indie author, it’s on you to make all that stuff work. So make it work! Don’t blame others if you’re books aren’t selling. DO SOMETHING about it.
There are tons of resources out there to help you: there’s me, the IBC, John Locke’s book, the book I cowrote w/ Carolyn & Amber called Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-Publishing Success (it’s a buck, people); webinars, novel publicity firms, google, Kindle boards, Twitter #hashtags like #amwriting and #pubwrite discussions, Facebook groups, and more.
I do tons of stuff, all the time, every day, across many platforms. Lots of different promos. Google ad words. Have an active, consistent social media presence on Twitter, Facebook, and I pretend to do stuff on Goodreads. 🙂 I have mentors (Carolyn McCray, Amber Scott, Jessica Swift, Sean Gardner, and a few others) who teach me all kinds of great stuff. My friends and fans are supportive and amazing. Book bloggers and reviewers have been critically important.
All those factors have gelled over this past year to make Snark a hit. Which still kind of boggles my mind. But the main thing…the thing that really helped me?
KDP Select. Yup. Evil Amazon and their new evil program, if you listen to the naysayers.
Listen, it was an easy choice for me. 93% of my profits this year from Snark came from Amazon, so the choice was easy for me to sign up my two books. I picked the five days before Christmas to have Snark go free. (Thanks for the advice, Carolyn).
Why Snark and not my latest release, The Manode: Exposed? Easy. I had history already. It had the better ranking. It had visibility. It had the most reviews, likes, and tags. It had already reached #1 on the Motherhood list fifteen times. I was already entrenched in Amazon’s recommendation queue.
My point: go in smart. Don’t expect miracles.
So what happened? I had over 10,000 free downloads. Decent, right? I thought so. For me. Lots of people have gone free and had ten times that many. Other people have gone free and had a few hundred. So I’m pretty happy with it.
The bigger deal is Snark ended up #1 on a bunch o’ lists: Motherhood, Family Relationships, Parenting and Family, Top Rated, and in the Top 5 or 10 or Advice/How-To, Humor, Non-Fiction, etc. etc.
So do the downloads make a difference? I’m not paid on them. How does it work after the free part is over?
When you port back over to paid, you hopefully take the rankings with you. So…did I?
Not initially. I went back over around #4900 overall; however, I took the listings with me…after a day or two. I was #1 across the board in three categories and listed on about ten lists. But as of this writing, I’m around 400! Funny, I don’t feel that old. Bah, dum, bum.
As for sales, I’m averaging about forty sales of Snark/day now. Way more than ever before, when my average was ten. This has carried over to Mancode; where I was selling maybe four/day, I’m now selling about eight.
Lending has also increased. My total lends goes up hourly it seems. I haven’t broken 500 yet, but it won’t be long. Not huge numbers, but again, it’s all about the rankings.
Bottom line: great experience. The exposure has been amazing. Sure, if exposure paid my rent, I’d be thrilled but it doesn’t. But it leads to great things. Think about it: 10,000 downloads. If even 10% of those people left reviews for me…#whoa. Even 1%!
If you’re in this whole thing to make a ton of money, find a day job. Despite numbers like these, it’s not enough to make a living…yet. I also only have two books out (plus the one I’ve cowritten and the two anthologies I’ve contributed to…but still…). I’m now working on my third.
In the meantime, I help other authors with their social media campaigns. That’s how I make a bit more money. If you want personalized, customized advice, let me know (email me at [email protected]) and I’ll give you my rate and more specifics of what I can do for you.
I also teach free webinars for the Indie Book Collective each month — first Tuesday of every Monday at 5:45pm PST via webinar. Next week it’s on Tuesday, 1/3. Sign up at [email protected]
So has it been worth it?
Ya think?
(This is only my experience. Yours could have been/may be entirely different. Would love to hear your thoughts below.)
You know where to find me and all that stuff, right?
THE MAN SHOP
This one is for the guys, but I encourage all chicks to read. You’ll see why in a sec.
If you’re at all like my guy, this is how he holiday shops:
Him: Babe, give me your Christmas list so I know what to get you.
Me: Um, okay.
Granted, there’s not much joy and romance in this process, but after nineteen years, it kinda works. I will admit, I adore surprises (especially when accompanied by a gift receipt), and find it thrilling when my man deviates from the list. It not only shows me that he’s got some life left in him in the romance department, but some spark in trying to please his woman.
After all, the list is his idea, not mine.
If you are looking for some gift ideas, stuff that’s sure to please your chick, look no further. I’m a total product whore. Of course, a pair of black Pradas is always appreciated (by both parties, #ahem), but if your budget is not quite that expansive, here are my recs. *Note: none of these companies pay me. I simply like their stuff.
1) Fresh Brown Sugar Body Polish (available at Sephora): This is one of my all-time favorite body products, EVER. It’s actually made from brown sugar. You chick will use it in the shower as an exfoliator (sloughs off the dead skin) and it will make her smooth, soft and she’ll smell like a delicious cookie, but better. I also use it as a scalp massage and lip scrub.
It’s normally priced at $60 but they have a terrific holiday set with three products: the body polish, body cream & lip treatment for $76. In girl math, this is a good deal. (It’s on my guy’s list, for sure.)
2) iPhone: We women love our gadgets (I’m talking tech, ya pervs). Get her the damn iPhone, already. The increase in my productivity is unbelievable. I can blog, read, write, check stats, Skype, consult with clients, and more. If you’re feeling flush, throw in the MacBook Air. I can’t tell you the difference in my writing life going from an HP to this wonder machine. The capabilities are mind-bottling (sorry, couldn’t help myself #BladesOfGlory).
3) MAC Cosmetics: I know, scary: buying makeup for your chick. But the fabulous folks at MAC make it SO easy! Buy anything from their holiday collection and your girl will love it. OR purchase any lipstick from their VIVA GLAM Collection and 100% of the proceeds go to help support people living with HIV/AIDS. (The new color is Gaga Glam — pretty.)
4) Uggs: People say Uggs are out of style, but I say cold feet always need to get warm. (Do you really want those ice cold toes on you?) I love the original Uggs. They don’t get stinky like the fakes. I’ve tried them all, believe me, and one real pair can last a few years. THAT’S a good investment in both Girlworld and Manland. A pair of classic boots will set you back about $160. Man up, dude. Probably too late to buy them online, so I suggest Nordstrom. They have by far the best selection and even some sale items if you have to justify the purchase in your man mind.
5) Jo Malone: Hands down, my favorite fragrance line, ever. If you’re unfamiliar, Jo Malone uses aromatic oils to create different scents for women to wear individually or to mix and create our own. I wear Lime, Basil, Mandarin ($55 for a small bottle) and have for many, many years. It’s the only scent my little guy knows, which I kinda dig.
I occasionally mix it with Grapefruit or Tuberose. Check out the site and see what appeals, though it’s truly a sensual experience to go to the store and play with all the scents and see what you like or what she likes. They’re extraordinarily generous with their samples — see what appeals to her and let her wear it for awhile. I literally have hundreds of vials of different samples. I told you they were generous and their packaging is a gift in itself. (Their boxes are amazing. I keep them.)
You can order direct or go to Nordstrom, Neiman’s or Saks.
Additional thoughts: I have a love/hate relationship with lingerie, but I’ve always kinda felt it was more of a gift for men. I prefer to buy it for myself because I know what’s flattering on me. If you want to encourage your woman to purchase some, buy her a gift certificate to somewhere classy, like Nordstrom or GapBody, which has affordable, soft, pretty things — not Victoria’s Secret or god forbid, Frederick’s. #justsayin’
Also, if it says Chanel on it, in any way, shape, or form — she will love it. Doesn’t have to be a handbag (though, whoa dude. Your Saturday nights are SET for the year). Even a compact is lovely. Mascara is awesome. Lipstick or nail polish in a pretty Chanel bag — oh yea. Kind of a no-brainer. Even the woman who isn’t into designer labels welcomes Chanel.
Finally, enjoy your holidays. You’re been a wonderful group to me this year, so I want to show you my thanks: if you haven’t had a chance yet to purchase A WALK IN THE SNARK, I’VE MADE IT COMPLETELY FREE on Amazon the next five days as my gift to all of you (this Monday 12-19 thru Friday 12/23)!
Remember, no Kindle is required to download an Amazon book — simple download the free Amazon Kindle app for your smartphone, PC, laptop, tablet, or cloud. Then off you go go, baby. Read away.
And THE MANCODE: EXPOSED is only 99cents thru Christmas as a part of the Indie Book Collective’s Indie Book Blowout sales event. Hundreds of books, 140 authors, have priced our books at only 99 cents to help you purchase presents for friends and family or load up your new Kindles or Kindle apps! There’s also a free Kindle prize and free Amazon gift cards giveaway every day. Be sure to click on the site each day.
So Happy Chrismakuh everyone and I’ll see you next Monday! I’ll be around on social media of course and you can find me on my blog tour the next few weeks to help get the word out about my new Mancode book (I’m also offering a free Kindle — just comment at any point in the blog tour and you’re automatically entered for the random drawing at the end) — so check out my reviews and interviews schedule here: VirtualBookTourCafe.com and find out cool stuff I’ve never revealed before…
I’m also honored to be the featured author on TWO blogs this Tuesday: author Terri Guiliano’s (bestseller In Leah’s Wake) blog –she asked me amazing questions — as well as the award-winning review blog Reviews and Interviews by Lisa Hazelton — another fun one, for sure. I hope you’ll check them out. And a visit to The Mind of Omegia on Thursday — a blast also.
Now, go dream of sugar plums or something.
#MANCODE MONDAY? IT’S NUTS…
By now you’ve probably heard all about #MentionMonday over on Twitter or seen my posts float by on Facebook with that number sign thingy (it’s called a hashtag in the Twitterverse). It’s something we crazy tweeps use for a few reasons I won’t bore you with now.
Well now that I’m THIS CLOSE to my next book, The Mancode: Exposed coming out (less than a month), I thought it would be fun to do something completely away from Twitter and start a fun conversation each week over on my MANCODE: EXPOSED Facebook page. Where we have more room to stretch our legs, drink our wine and martinis, and discuss a topic fully.
Now, you know me. This will not be the politics in China. Though it may be the politics of dancing.
So today’s topic is something I’ve often wondered about. Something that has always perplexed me. Something I really, really want to know the answer to:
THE VAGINA RULES (guest post)
I’m thrilled to present the hilariously talented writer Erica Lucke Dean. Here’s her bio:
I write romantic comedy, paranormal, and suspense novels. I blog about life and other assorted ridiculous things. And I laugh at myself when I trip.
I now present her terrifically funny post. This chick and I understand each other so well.
The Vagina Rules
I was chatting with a friend the other day.
We were basically having a group venting session, dredging up everything that irritates us about life, and people in general. It felt really good to give the proverbial “stab” to the things we find annoying. And when talking about the stuff that bugs us, the conversation always manages to come around to the topic of men…specifically husbands.
So this is how it went…Fake people? Stab. Snobby people? Stab. Husbands? Stab, stab, stab!!!
Living with a man is often enough to make a girl dream of a deserted island, a bottle of chardonnay, and a dirty romance novel. And “honey” can stay at home, thank you very much!
My friend finally summed it up by saying, “When it comes to men…honestly, I only like the sex. But I could get that without having to live with them.”
Food for thought, for sure.
But I had to disagree. I like having a guy. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with his shit.
For example…My husband has this really annoying habit of refusing to talk to me just because I don’t understand what he’s trying to say. I can’t seem to drill it into his head that he needs to explain things. I mean, really explain things. I was like…dude, I’m a woman. We need more words. Lots of words. Full sentences if you can manage it. Hell, if you have time, draw a map.
The more information the better.
Did hubby get the point? Of course not. Instead, he gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the evening.
And he wonders why I get pissed off.
What is it about guys?
They say they love women. They claim to want a woman in their lives. But they refuse to understand the inner workings of a woman.
So what’s a girl to do?
I just gave it to him straight. “If you want a vagina…you have to play by the vagina’s rules.”
And ladies, let’s face it…the vagina has a whole lot of rules.
This vagina likes to be talked to. And listened to. I don’t mean gaping at me with a dazed expression and the faint sound of crickets chirping in the background. No, I want real listening. The kind that might even include appropriate responses from time to time. I know you’re pretending to listen. You know you’re pretending to listen. Let’s just stop pretending and actually talk.
It’s called a “conversation” guys. I know…big word. Look it up.
The vagina also likes attention. But I don’t mean JUST the vagina. You guys seem to think there’s only part of a woman that needs attention. Trust me…that’s as far from the truth as you can get. I know it’s a foreign concept. I know the penis is the control center of the man.
But like I said before…if you want a vagina you’d better figure out how it works.
Think of the vagina as a sink. It’s a broad generalization, but stay with me here. If you want to fill a sink with water, no amount of touching the sink is going to get the job done. You have to turn on the faucet. The faucet is the control center.
Are you still with me?
Find the control center in the woman. Start with the conversation (that’s the talking part, remember?); from there, you can find your way to the other stuff.
Basically, a vagina is a complex organism controlled by an even more complex organism…a woman. But trust me, if you take the time to figure it out, your life (and ours) will be a whole lot easier.
So I’m sure you’re wondering how my husband responded to my list of rules. The same way he responds to everything…in as few words as possible. Hey, it’s all good. For as little as he said, I’m pretty sure he got the point.
A vagina has a whole lot of rules, but what it all comes down to is this…
Vaginas rule!
Comments welcome, retweets and mentions loved.
You should follow Erica on her blog here, Twitter and Facebook. Somehow she blogs every day and still has a family and like, three books in submission with agents. I think she’s part Borg.
Be sure to join me back here on Saturday, 10/22 for Blog Tour de Force to win your free copy of THE EVIL WITHIN horror anthology as well as all twelve participating authors’ books AND a chance at a free Kindle. Yea, baby.
LAST CHANCE — MIDNIGHT TONITE, BABY
If you STILL haven’t picked up a FREE copy of Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-Publishing Success here (as part of the Menage A Blog blog tour) from the Queen of Snark, you have until midnight tonight to leave me a comment and I’ll send you the Smashwords coupon code for a free download (remember, no eReader required to read an eBook; just a smartphone or computer).