aka THE D.I.A.L. STRATEGY FOR DEALING WITH CYBERBULLIES
I feel really fortunate that I’m in a career, finally, where I write whatever I want. Nobody is standing over my shoulder saying “Nope. You can’t say that.”
HIGH HIGHS & LOW LOWS
What an enormously crazy week here in #badredhead world.
BESTSELLER FOR A DAY IS THIS FRIDAY!
THE MAN SHOP
This one is for the guys, but I encourage all chicks to read. You’ll see why in a sec.
If you’re at all like my guy, this is how he holiday shops:
Him: Babe, give me your Christmas list so I know what to get you.
Me: Um, okay.
Granted, there’s not much joy and romance in this process, but after nineteen years, it kinda works. I will admit, I adore surprises (especially when accompanied by a gift receipt), and find it thrilling when my man deviates from the list. It not only shows me that he’s got some life left in him in the romance department, but some spark in trying to please his woman.
After all, the list is his idea, not mine.
If you are looking for some gift ideas, stuff that’s sure to please your chick, look no further. I’m a total product whore. Of course, a pair of black Pradas is always appreciated (by both parties, #ahem), but if your budget is not quite that expansive, here are my recs. *Note: none of these companies pay me. I simply like their stuff.
1) Fresh Brown Sugar Body Polish (available at Sephora): This is one of my all-time favorite body products, EVER. It’s actually made from brown sugar. You chick will use it in the shower as an exfoliator (sloughs off the dead skin) and it will make her smooth, soft and she’ll smell like a delicious cookie, but better. I also use it as a scalp massage and lip scrub.
It’s normally priced at $60 but they have a terrific holiday set with three products: the body polish, body cream & lip treatment for $76. In girl math, this is a good deal. (It’s on my guy’s list, for sure.)
2) iPhone: We women love our gadgets (I’m talking tech, ya pervs). Get her the damn iPhone, already. The increase in my productivity is unbelievable. I can blog, read, write, check stats, Skype, consult with clients, and more. If you’re feeling flush, throw in the MacBook Air. I can’t tell you the difference in my writing life going from an HP to this wonder machine. The capabilities are mind-bottling (sorry, couldn’t help myself #BladesOfGlory).
3) MAC Cosmetics: I know, scary: buying makeup for your chick. But the fabulous folks at MAC make it SO easy! Buy anything from their holiday collection and your girl will love it. OR purchase any lipstick from their VIVA GLAM Collection and 100% of the proceeds go to help support people living with HIV/AIDS. (The new color is Gaga Glam — pretty.)
4) Uggs: People say Uggs are out of style, but I say cold feet always need to get warm. (Do you really want those ice cold toes on you?) I love the original Uggs. They don’t get stinky like the fakes. I’ve tried them all, believe me, and one real pair can last a few years. THAT’S a good investment in both Girlworld and Manland. A pair of classic boots will set you back about $160. Man up, dude. Probably too late to buy them online, so I suggest Nordstrom. They have by far the best selection and even some sale items if you have to justify the purchase in your man mind.
5) Jo Malone: Hands down, my favorite fragrance line, ever. If you’re unfamiliar, Jo Malone uses aromatic oils to create different scents for women to wear individually or to mix and create our own. I wear Lime, Basil, Mandarin ($55 for a small bottle) and have for many, many years. It’s the only scent my little guy knows, which I kinda dig.
I occasionally mix it with Grapefruit or Tuberose. Check out the site and see what appeals, though it’s truly a sensual experience to go to the store and play with all the scents and see what you like or what she likes. They’re extraordinarily generous with their samples — see what appeals to her and let her wear it for awhile. I literally have hundreds of vials of different samples. I told you they were generous and their packaging is a gift in itself. (Their boxes are amazing. I keep them.)
You can order direct or go to Nordstrom, Neiman’s or Saks.
Additional thoughts: I have a love/hate relationship with lingerie, but I’ve always kinda felt it was more of a gift for men. I prefer to buy it for myself because I know what’s flattering on me. If you want to encourage your woman to purchase some, buy her a gift certificate to somewhere classy, like Nordstrom or GapBody, which has affordable, soft, pretty things — not Victoria’s Secret or god forbid, Frederick’s. #justsayin’
Also, if it says Chanel on it, in any way, shape, or form — she will love it. Doesn’t have to be a handbag (though, whoa dude. Your Saturday nights are SET for the year). Even a compact is lovely. Mascara is awesome. Lipstick or nail polish in a pretty Chanel bag — oh yea. Kind of a no-brainer. Even the woman who isn’t into designer labels welcomes Chanel.
Finally, enjoy your holidays. You’re been a wonderful group to me this year, so I want to show you my thanks: if you haven’t had a chance yet to purchase A WALK IN THE SNARK, I’VE MADE IT COMPLETELY FREE on Amazon the next five days as my gift to all of you (this Monday 12-19 thru Friday 12/23)!
Remember, no Kindle is required to download an Amazon book — simple download the free Amazon Kindle app for your smartphone, PC, laptop, tablet, or cloud. Then off you go go, baby. Read away.
And THE MANCODE: EXPOSED is only 99cents thru Christmas as a part of the Indie Book Collective’s Indie Book Blowout sales event. Hundreds of books, 140 authors, have priced our books at only 99 cents to help you purchase presents for friends and family or load up your new Kindles or Kindle apps! There’s also a free Kindle prize and free Amazon gift cards giveaway every day. Be sure to click on the site each day.
So Happy Chrismakuh everyone and I’ll see you next Monday! I’ll be around on social media of course and you can find me on my blog tour the next few weeks to help get the word out about my new Mancode book (I’m also offering a free Kindle — just comment at any point in the blog tour and you’re automatically entered for the random drawing at the end) — so check out my reviews and interviews schedule here: VirtualBookTourCafe.com and find out cool stuff I’ve never revealed before…
I’m also honored to be the featured author on TWO blogs this Tuesday: author Terri Guiliano’s (bestseller In Leah’s Wake) blog –she asked me amazing questions — as well as the award-winning review blog Reviews and Interviews by Lisa Hazelton — another fun one, for sure. I hope you’ll check them out. And a visit to The Mind of Omegia on Thursday — a blast also.
Now, go dream of sugar plums or something.
#MANCODE MONDAY? IT’S NUTS…
By now you’ve probably heard all about #MentionMonday over on Twitter or seen my posts float by on Facebook with that number sign thingy (it’s called a hashtag in the Twitterverse). It’s something we crazy tweeps use for a few reasons I won’t bore you with now.
Well now that I’m THIS CLOSE to my next book, The Mancode: Exposed coming out (less than a month), I thought it would be fun to do something completely away from Twitter and start a fun conversation each week over on my MANCODE: EXPOSED Facebook page. Where we have more room to stretch our legs, drink our wine and martinis, and discuss a topic fully.
Now, you know me. This will not be the politics in China. Though it may be the politics of dancing.
So today’s topic is something I’ve often wondered about. Something that has always perplexed me. Something I really, really want to know the answer to:
ROCK STAR ALERT: JEREMY WAGNER IN DA HOUSE!
MAN IN A MOM’S WORLD
I’m gonna go out on a limb here, but I don’t think men are the big babies women make them out to be when they’re sick.
Nope.
They’re big babies when WE are sick.
When we’re sick, I mean really ill, it’s hard on the little guy.
Not because he feels bad for you. I mean, he does. He loves you and all. And not because he sees his beloved in pain and he can’t do anything to help her. Which hurts him, too.
No. You being sick is hard on your guy because now he has to do all your shit.
And that terrifies him.
I recently had a bout of strep throat, followed by pneumonia and laryngitis. I’m sure this was brought on by the aligning of the planets conspiring against me to meet a deadline for a new book I’m coauthoring with my Indie Book Collective cofounders on self-publishing. The writing gods decided nope, enough was enough and I needed to rest. (Well, actually that was my doctor.)
Two days complete bed and voice rest. No work, no speaking. Not even a whisper.
Do you know how hard it is not to whisper to your husband and two small children when you have a house to run? Clothes to wash? A kitchen to clean? Little bodies to bathe? A five-year-old with non-stop questions? (But where IS your voice exactly, Mama? Did you throw it away?)
My body and voice may have needed rest, but my mind was on overdrive. So much to do!
JP was also on overdrive…freak out overdrive, that is. He kept peppering me with questions I LITERALLY could not answer and that, to be honest, shouldn’t he have known? The butter is in the frig. Yes, honey I promise. The Children’s Tylenol is in the cabinet where we always keep it. Yes, honey, it’s a good idea to bathe the five-year-old after he’s been out in the muddy backyard.
Why was his Refrigeratoritis acting up when I was the one in bed?
I’m thinking he thought the same thing because later that evening I came out to make tea and he was sound asleep on the sofa at 6:30pm. The kitchen was a complete disaster and neither child had been fed dinner.
My two days of bed rest were over in four hours.
Sigh.
Really, it’s just so important for husbands to have a routine.
(I hate to think what a walk on the beach might have done.)
Apparently, the added burden of him taking on basically everything (for those four hours) was more than he could handle and he was done for. Don’t get me wrong. He’s a good dad & I give him major dad credit for effort.
I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO B.S.
He’s Just Not That Into You…
Is a bunch of insulting bullshit.
I finally watched that movie the other day. Wow.
CLICK (My #IIChallenge)
Here is my @IndieInk challenge from xander
Describe your day job in the style of a 1950s film noir. Bonus points for using the word “gams” in the appropriate context.
CLICK
Janey was sure the right guy was going to walk through her office door any moment now. Yep, any moment.
At least, that’s what she told her ma every time she called to ask why Janey was no longer working for that nice man down at the newspaper, typing up his little stories. She didn’t have the heart to tell her mother the so-called nice man had the roving hands of hungry bear and the mouth of a sailor on leave and she wasn’t gonna put up with it any more. Besides, the man was her neighbor Ethel’s husband and they often gave her mom rides to and from her job at the library. She didn’t want to mess things up for her ma. Life is hard enough as it is.
So she very quietly gathered her things when the prick was out drinking his lunch one day with the office lushes, conveniently forgetting to type up the day’s top story about the bank robbery around the corner. The very next day, she opened her own typing shop, advertising a hundred words a minute to any and all customers. The diner across the way was a goldmine—lots of cute fellas in there with no clue how to type up job applications, or songs for the gals they were sweet on.
Janey wasn’t rolling in it, but she was doing all right. At least, that’s what she was thinking as she lit a cigarette for a long-needed break. She hadn’t realized how late it was or how dark it had become in her small, cramped office. She switched on her desk lamp, mentally avoiding the files and scraps of paper piled up next to it.
She enjoyed the click click click her new black heels made as she moved to open the small window that looked out onto main street. Cold and foggy again, dammit. It was fairly quiet outside today, but apparently loud enough that she missed hearing the door open and shut quickly behind her. When she felt a hand on her shoulder, she screamed.
Turning around quickly, she looked up into the most gorgeous baby blues she’d ever seen.
“Sorry, ma’am,” said the stranger, a handsome man about her age in a dark suit and charcoal fedora. Janey could see his lips moving but found herself having trouble concentrating. She was sure he could hear the extraordinarily loud beating of her heart.
“I’m sorry, Mr…?” Janey asked, as she attempted to regain her composure. She crossed the room and sat on the corner of her desk, giving him a nice view of her gams. She noticed his momentary eye flick and quickly realized she had the upper hand. Her heartbeat slowed measurably, her voice dropped, and she asked, “Now, what can I do for you?” with a shy hint of a smile.
The man stood closer, still staring at her legs. He took his time, his eyes slowly working their way up the length of her body. When he reached her eyes, he said, “I think we need to work together, you and I.” He took a card out of his pocket, laid it gingerly on the desk next to her, turned and left.
Janey, realizing she was holding her breath, exhaled and grabbed the card:
The Kids Are NOT Alright (A #Mancode Essay)
When kids get sick, do men believe it?