Man of the House.
Most men enjoy that title.
They work hard for it and we as a society still tend to raise our little boys to grow up into those big shoes, despite huge leaps in equality for women. I’m raising both a girl and a boy so I see it every day, all around me.
So what happens when the man puts his foot down and no one listens?
Welcome to my home.
My husband and I make most of our major decisions together, but we’re not perfect. Sometimes he’s bossy and if I don’t agree with him, he gets a little touchy. I, in turn, get really quiet if he doesn’t agree with me. We both need a little time til we’re ready to talk it out.
I’m not a yeller and I rarely raise my voice. But I can be a bitch…more of a stealth bitch, if you will. (If being an independent woman with an opinion who wants her way is being a bitch, then hell yea, that’s me. Deal with it.)
As a woman, I’ve come to understand that men need to assert themselves in a much louder way than women do. Is it a testosterone or territorial thing? Well, it does make a woman wonder: if men could pee on a conversation, would they? Hmmmm….
My husband has a very assertive style of communicating. That’s not to say he’s a yeller or violent; he’s neither. He’s sweet and generous. He just speaks very loudly and is quick to interrupt to have his voice heard. (Classic Mancode behavior, page 102). And of course, it’s his way or the highway.
Til it’s my way.
When we first met and started having long, romantic talks, he would cut me off. Why did he interrupt me so much? I thought he was being rude. Why was he telling me what I “should have done?” What, did he think I was stupid?
My husband, to this day, says no, he’s simply embellishing the story. When I take a breath, he sees that as an opportunity to launch. He calls that a discussion. I call it cutting me off. (We still can’t agree on this and it’s been eighteen years.)
What happened to the art of listening?
Bear with me here but that’s where the difference lies, I believe, between a man who has to be the man of the house and one who takes into account the needs of those around him.
Men look at the big picture, baby. Women focus on the details.
In other words, I listen. Then I put my foot down.
I wouldn’t say marriage is a game. But I definitely have had to learn that while my husband may roar like a lion, I know I’ll have to hear him out, build my case, present my evidence, and then change his mind.