When I ask my guests to share a real, honest story — no holds barred — sometimes I have to coach or pull it out of them a bit. Not in this case. Ciara is a fierce tiger of a woman and if I’m ever in Australia and need an attorney, there’s no doubt who I’m gonna call. She’s also, as you’ll read here, a terrific writer.
INTERVIEW with POET JESS KRISTIE
I’m beyond thrilled to present talented poet Jess Kristie to you today. We’ve known each other on Twitter and Facebook for over a year now and have supported each other all along. (Even though she tweets with hearts and flowers, I still adore her).
Her book of poetry about relationships, love, and sex touches my heart like no other. I hope you’ll agree.
Learn more about her here. Thanks so much, Jess for your time and all the fun!
Jessica Kristie Interview for Rachel Thompson
1) Please tell us how you came to publish your beautiful book of poetry Dreaming In Darkness and a bit about your background as a writer.
Around this time last year I was approached by a small publisher as I was getting my manuscript together. Although their submissions were closed, I was given a special invite to submit. I worked with an amazing editor and we got my book out there on eBook. They struggled to get my book out on paperback so I found a new publisher just recently who has obtained the rights and re-released my eBook with a new look and five new pieces as well as finally releasing the book on paperback. I am really happy with how it looks and proud of this collection of work.
I have been writing poetry since I was ten but have only taken writing up as a career the last several years. In addition, I focus on graphic design, business, marketing, editing and project management. I just recently finished a wonderful project: Inspiration Speaks, through ArtPlatform.org. You can order your copy at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Purchases benefit ColaLife.org.
BESTSELLER FOR A DAY IS THIS FRIDAY!
RESOLUTIONS ARE STUPID
Resolute.
Resolutions.
Stupid.
I think resolutions are stupid.
There. I said it.
It’s not that I think I’m perfect. Noooo.
It’s just that, you know how you get to a certain age and think…aw, fuck it…?
Well, yea. That’s where I am. I’m forty-eight on Monday. Yup. And it’s cool.
I didn’t write this post so y’all would tell me happy birthday (though feel free).
I can be a bitch (especially pre-coffee). I curse too much. I spend way too much time on the computer (at least it’s a Mac) and iPhone. I need to exercise more. Do more laundry. Remember to eat.
But here’s the deal: I love my life. Though my drama tween and Tasmanian devil boy drive me occasionally insane, they’re beautiful and we’re raising them with strong morals and values. They have good, loving hearts. I would never, ever change the fact that I brought them into this world. I’m honored to be their mother.
Except maybe when the six-year-old is screaming at the top of his lungs. Then I tell my husband, “That’s YOUR son, you know.” I gave him his eyelashes.
Contrary to popular belief, I’m not just the humor-writing, snarkalicious funny chick with her head stuck in Pradaland.
I’m not blind to the difficulties going on the world. We’ve certainly been affected financially. My guy owns his own business and has taken a hit. So I’m doing something about it! I’ve taken what I’ve learned these past three years in social media, blogging, and writing (plus my fifteen years in sales and marketing) and am now helping clients of my own (in addition to the free volunteer work I do as a cofounder of the Indie Book Collective).
There’s always something new around the corner in this crazy publishing business and I’m excited about what 2012 will bring in the eBook industry. I see more changes in social media and I’m already looking at new opportunities.
So, here’s how I look at resolutions….
I don’t. (I think I’ve made that clear). New Year’s is a day that leads to another month where the year changes and when you write checks you forget and get annoyed. Monday is another day. Carry on.
If you insist on making a huge deal out of it, feel free.
I’ll be drinking my coffee and working on my next book.
Keep moving forward.*
You can find me on Twitter, Facebook, and my two books A Walk In The Snark and The Mancode: Exposed on Amazon (no Kindle required — free apps for all smartphones, computers, tablets, and clouds). Any questions RE: my consulting, please email me at [email protected].
*Know who said this? Tell me below…
THE MAN SHOP
This one is for the guys, but I encourage all chicks to read. You’ll see why in a sec.
If you’re at all like my guy, this is how he holiday shops:
Him: Babe, give me your Christmas list so I know what to get you.
Me: Um, okay.
Granted, there’s not much joy and romance in this process, but after nineteen years, it kinda works. I will admit, I adore surprises (especially when accompanied by a gift receipt), and find it thrilling when my man deviates from the list. It not only shows me that he’s got some life left in him in the romance department, but some spark in trying to please his woman.
After all, the list is his idea, not mine.
If you are looking for some gift ideas, stuff that’s sure to please your chick, look no further. I’m a total product whore. Of course, a pair of black Pradas is always appreciated (by both parties, #ahem), but if your budget is not quite that expansive, here are my recs. *Note: none of these companies pay me. I simply like their stuff.
1) Fresh Brown Sugar Body Polish (available at Sephora): This is one of my all-time favorite body products, EVER. It’s actually made from brown sugar. You chick will use it in the shower as an exfoliator (sloughs off the dead skin) and it will make her smooth, soft and she’ll smell like a delicious cookie, but better. I also use it as a scalp massage and lip scrub.
It’s normally priced at $60 but they have a terrific holiday set with three products: the body polish, body cream & lip treatment for $76. In girl math, this is a good deal. (It’s on my guy’s list, for sure.)
2) iPhone: We women love our gadgets (I’m talking tech, ya pervs). Get her the damn iPhone, already. The increase in my productivity is unbelievable. I can blog, read, write, check stats, Skype, consult with clients, and more. If you’re feeling flush, throw in the MacBook Air. I can’t tell you the difference in my writing life going from an HP to this wonder machine. The capabilities are mind-bottling (sorry, couldn’t help myself #BladesOfGlory).
3) MAC Cosmetics: I know, scary: buying makeup for your chick. But the fabulous folks at MAC make it SO easy! Buy anything from their holiday collection and your girl will love it. OR purchase any lipstick from their VIVA GLAM Collection and 100% of the proceeds go to help support people living with HIV/AIDS. (The new color is Gaga Glam — pretty.)
4) Uggs: People say Uggs are out of style, but I say cold feet always need to get warm. (Do you really want those ice cold toes on you?) I love the original Uggs. They don’t get stinky like the fakes. I’ve tried them all, believe me, and one real pair can last a few years. THAT’S a good investment in both Girlworld and Manland. A pair of classic boots will set you back about $160. Man up, dude. Probably too late to buy them online, so I suggest Nordstrom. They have by far the best selection and even some sale items if you have to justify the purchase in your man mind.
5) Jo Malone: Hands down, my favorite fragrance line, ever. If you’re unfamiliar, Jo Malone uses aromatic oils to create different scents for women to wear individually or to mix and create our own. I wear Lime, Basil, Mandarin ($55 for a small bottle) and have for many, many years. It’s the only scent my little guy knows, which I kinda dig.
I occasionally mix it with Grapefruit or Tuberose. Check out the site and see what appeals, though it’s truly a sensual experience to go to the store and play with all the scents and see what you like or what she likes. They’re extraordinarily generous with their samples — see what appeals to her and let her wear it for awhile. I literally have hundreds of vials of different samples. I told you they were generous and their packaging is a gift in itself. (Their boxes are amazing. I keep them.)
You can order direct or go to Nordstrom, Neiman’s or Saks.
Additional thoughts: I have a love/hate relationship with lingerie, but I’ve always kinda felt it was more of a gift for men. I prefer to buy it for myself because I know what’s flattering on me. If you want to encourage your woman to purchase some, buy her a gift certificate to somewhere classy, like Nordstrom or GapBody, which has affordable, soft, pretty things — not Victoria’s Secret or god forbid, Frederick’s. #justsayin’
Also, if it says Chanel on it, in any way, shape, or form — she will love it. Doesn’t have to be a handbag (though, whoa dude. Your Saturday nights are SET for the year). Even a compact is lovely. Mascara is awesome. Lipstick or nail polish in a pretty Chanel bag — oh yea. Kind of a no-brainer. Even the woman who isn’t into designer labels welcomes Chanel.
Finally, enjoy your holidays. You’re been a wonderful group to me this year, so I want to show you my thanks: if you haven’t had a chance yet to purchase A WALK IN THE SNARK, I’VE MADE IT COMPLETELY FREE on Amazon the next five days as my gift to all of you (this Monday 12-19 thru Friday 12/23)!
Remember, no Kindle is required to download an Amazon book — simple download the free Amazon Kindle app for your smartphone, PC, laptop, tablet, or cloud. Then off you go go, baby. Read away.
And THE MANCODE: EXPOSED is only 99cents thru Christmas as a part of the Indie Book Collective’s Indie Book Blowout sales event. Hundreds of books, 140 authors, have priced our books at only 99 cents to help you purchase presents for friends and family or load up your new Kindles or Kindle apps! There’s also a free Kindle prize and free Amazon gift cards giveaway every day. Be sure to click on the site each day.
So Happy Chrismakuh everyone and I’ll see you next Monday! I’ll be around on social media of course and you can find me on my blog tour the next few weeks to help get the word out about my new Mancode book (I’m also offering a free Kindle — just comment at any point in the blog tour and you’re automatically entered for the random drawing at the end) — so check out my reviews and interviews schedule here: VirtualBookTourCafe.com and find out cool stuff I’ve never revealed before…
I’m also honored to be the featured author on TWO blogs this Tuesday: author Terri Guiliano’s (bestseller In Leah’s Wake) blog –she asked me amazing questions — as well as the award-winning review blog Reviews and Interviews by Lisa Hazelton — another fun one, for sure. I hope you’ll check them out. And a visit to The Mind of Omegia on Thursday — a blast also.
Now, go dream of sugar plums or something.
FEAR DOES NOT OWN ME
FEAR DOES NOT OWN ME
I have written only once about this topic previously (on my blog). Some events are so harrowing, they either shape who we become or we move past them.
Our neighbor molested me when I was young, just eleven years old.
About the age my girl is now.
He was a dad, with girls of his own. It wasn’t just once, and it didn’t just happen to me.
There’s way more to the story that I won’t go into here, except to add that I did testify against him in both civil and military court. He did go to jail. He was also courtmartialed.
This series is about fear. How it shapes us. The impressions it makes on our souls.
What happened happened. I focused on my studies, athletics, family and friends. I never felt this experience held me back in any way, despite knowing it was always there. I didn’t share it with people, of course.
Who wants to talk about something like that?
In my last piece MISTAKE NUMBER FOUR, I discussed the attempted rape I experienced in college. I think my instinctive response to fight back with everything I had was directly related to what happened to me as a child, when I wasn’t able to defend myself against someone so much bigger and stronger than I.
It wasn’t until I had a daughter of my own that the anxiety set in. I didn’t even realize what was happening, to be honest. I had to return to work and the thought of leaving my precious baby girl with a total stranger (an incredibly sweet woman in my own home, where my husband worked from his home office) caused me to spin into postpartum depression.
My world turned gray.
Though the circumstances were entirely different, taking that leap of faith, trusting someone else not to harm my child as I had been hurt, completely took over my entire thought process, even when I wasn’t consciously thinking about it. It was such a terrible thought, I stopped thinking, stopped functioning in any normal way.
I’ve since learned much about hormones and the havoc they wreak on your body, thoughts, moods, (even sleep!) and how pregnancy (and post-pregnancy) affects all of that. I researched, I read, I got help. I had a wonderful female OB/GYN who immediately recognized what was going on with me and put me on appropriate meds—and sent me to a therapist, pronto.
Given the experiences I’d had in my past, you would think I’d been in therapy my whole life. However, I’d never been before. I’m fortunate that I found someone great, and he has helped me work through much of what I didn’t understand.
Embracing what you fear most about your past is something many people run from their whole lives—we see it every day with drugs and alcohol. I’m convinced that’s why my ex-love killed himself — his addiction to alcohol and anger stemmed from his rough upbringing. I used to keep wondering about a drug rehab near me where he could check in for treatment. While I dabbled, as most kids do, I never did anything hard and I fortunately don’t have an addictive personality. Unless you count coffee. Then, yea.
Listen, I’m not the poster child for mental health by any means. I recognize when the gray is closing in, when I start to get defensive and turn in on myself. That’s when I take a step back. I retreat. I don’t shout out or attack. I’m steely and I fight back in my own way. I’ve learned to ask for help.
And I write. I always, always write. With honesty, I give you a glimpse inside my heart.
I own my fear, but my fear does not own me.
On a much lighter note, my new book THE MANCODE: EXPOSED is now available — woot! Please visit Amazon to download your copy for only 99cents this week (no Kindle required — they have free apps for your computer, smartphone, or tablet).
A WALK IN THE SNARK (also just 99cents this week) has hit #1 on the Kindle Motherhood list wow, eleven or twelve times now. Take that Jenny and Tori with your fake boobs and blonde hair and your millions — ha. Redheads so rock. (Call me.)
MISTAKE NUMBER FOUR
Not a funny piece today.
I wrote this for the website Lifarre. If you’d like to read more, click here for the full Elements of Fear series (under the Broken Pieces tab). Thanks for your time.
MISTAKE NUMBER FOUR
College, 1983
I’m a sophomore, nineteen years old.
A nice enough guy from one of my journalism classes invites me to a frat party, I say yes. (Mistake #1: his turf).
I go with a girlfriend – she drives. (Mistake #2: always have your own transportation). I didn’t know him very well and it wasn’t an official date or anything. If you’ve been to college, you know how guys ask you out without actually asking you out? They invite you to a frat party. (Yea, it’s like a punchline.)
Girlfriend is a sorority sister, so she floats in on her pink fluff of air-kisses and vapor. With my writer’s eye, I observe the mating rituals and try to figure out how many beers it’s gonna take me to either fit in with this Ralph Lauren crowd or scope out who’s got the weed.
As I’m deciding that two beers is a good number (hey, I’m not driving), Bill shows up. I know this by the he-man grip he places on my arm. (Mistake #3: underestimating a dude based on size – no we’re not talking sex here, ya guttersnipes). He’s not a big guy, but he is lean and wiry. He wrestles for the school and has been asking me to watch his matches. I cheered in high school – I don’t do wrestling (have you ever smelled those places)? A dedicated girlfriend kinda has to watch her wrestler boyfriend’s matches. I wasn’t that, so I’d politely declined.
Bill was rather charming and a smooth talker. We chatted for an hour or two. He was friendly, he held my hand; all was fine, sweet. When I needed to use the bathroom, he escorted me through the crowd and told me, “Hey, use this one back here. No one knows about it. I used to live here so I know this house backwards and forwards.” Because I really, really had to pee, I let him lead me by the hand into a room where I thought the other bathroom was.
I had no reason NOT to believe him, right?
MISTAKE NUMBER FOUR
He locked the door so fast, I hardly saw it. As I was putting together in my mind that something wasn’t right, he threw me down on the bed and pinned me with one knee. His face turned into something unrecognizable, like a monster you’d see in a movie… teeth baring, inhuman.
I wasn’t wearing sexy clothes that night. I didn’t do anything besides spend time with a guy who seemed, outwardly, like a decent guy from one of my classes. We hadn’t even kissed.
Yet here he was. Tearing at my clothes, hitting me, unzipping his pants. My heart was beating so loud, I could hear it in my mouth.
It didn’t happen, though. There’s a “happy” ending. Why? Because I fought. I kicked, I bit, I scratched, I screamed. Did I think it would make a difference? I don’t know, because I didn’t think. Not until later.
Not until after.
They say that once your heart rate goes above 200, your problem-solving abilities go out the window. You’re acting purely on instinct. Fight or flight kicks in.
I guess it was a combination of factors that ended his attempt: my reaction, people finally for god’s sake knocking on the door, and the fact that I drew blood when I scratched his face. It’s almost like that sobered him up, snapped him out of it. Made him human again.
He told me he would deny everything, of course.
Facing him in class that Monday was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done. And yes, he told me I’d been “asking for it.”
Back in the early-80s, the term “date-rape” didn’t exist. I didn’t know that’s what had happened to me. Conventional wisdom was that I had nothing to report but fighting off some jerk. A ripped top, a few bruises.
Attitudes toward rape and attempted rape have come a long way, baby. But we still have far to go.
I didn’t realize ’till later, when I became a mother myself, the impact of my experience…
#MANCODE MONDAY? IT’S NUTS…
By now you’ve probably heard all about #MentionMonday over on Twitter or seen my posts float by on Facebook with that number sign thingy (it’s called a hashtag in the Twitterverse). It’s something we crazy tweeps use for a few reasons I won’t bore you with now.
Well now that I’m THIS CLOSE to my next book, The Mancode: Exposed coming out (less than a month), I thought it would be fun to do something completely away from Twitter and start a fun conversation each week over on my MANCODE: EXPOSED Facebook page. Where we have more room to stretch our legs, drink our wine and martinis, and discuss a topic fully.
Now, you know me. This will not be the politics in China. Though it may be the politics of dancing.
So today’s topic is something I’ve often wondered about. Something that has always perplexed me. Something I really, really want to know the answer to:
GETTING OFF…TOPIC (guest post)
THE VAGINA RULES (guest post)
I’m thrilled to present the hilariously talented writer Erica Lucke Dean. Here’s her bio:
I write romantic comedy, paranormal, and suspense novels. I blog about life and other assorted ridiculous things. And I laugh at myself when I trip.
I now present her terrifically funny post. This chick and I understand each other so well.
The Vagina Rules
I was chatting with a friend the other day.
We were basically having a group venting session, dredging up everything that irritates us about life, and people in general. It felt really good to give the proverbial “stab” to the things we find annoying. And when talking about the stuff that bugs us, the conversation always manages to come around to the topic of men…specifically husbands.
So this is how it went…Fake people? Stab. Snobby people? Stab. Husbands? Stab, stab, stab!!!
Living with a man is often enough to make a girl dream of a deserted island, a bottle of chardonnay, and a dirty romance novel. And “honey” can stay at home, thank you very much!
My friend finally summed it up by saying, “When it comes to men…honestly, I only like the sex. But I could get that without having to live with them.”
Food for thought, for sure.
But I had to disagree. I like having a guy. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with his shit.
For example…My husband has this really annoying habit of refusing to talk to me just because I don’t understand what he’s trying to say. I can’t seem to drill it into his head that he needs to explain things. I mean, really explain things. I was like…dude, I’m a woman. We need more words. Lots of words. Full sentences if you can manage it. Hell, if you have time, draw a map.
The more information the better.
Did hubby get the point? Of course not. Instead, he gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the evening.
And he wonders why I get pissed off.
What is it about guys?
They say they love women. They claim to want a woman in their lives. But they refuse to understand the inner workings of a woman.
So what’s a girl to do?
I just gave it to him straight. “If you want a vagina…you have to play by the vagina’s rules.”
And ladies, let’s face it…the vagina has a whole lot of rules.
This vagina likes to be talked to. And listened to. I don’t mean gaping at me with a dazed expression and the faint sound of crickets chirping in the background. No, I want real listening. The kind that might even include appropriate responses from time to time. I know you’re pretending to listen. You know you’re pretending to listen. Let’s just stop pretending and actually talk.
It’s called a “conversation” guys. I know…big word. Look it up.
The vagina also likes attention. But I don’t mean JUST the vagina. You guys seem to think there’s only part of a woman that needs attention. Trust me…that’s as far from the truth as you can get. I know it’s a foreign concept. I know the penis is the control center of the man. That is the reason why some women decided to tighten thier vagina so they could take control. Read more about how they did it on https://boostyourbodyhq.com – always be cautious regarding this things.
But like I said before…if you want a vagina you’d better figure out how it works.
Think of the vagina as a sink. It’s a broad generalization, but stay with me here. If you want to fill a sink with water, no amount of touching the sink is going to get the job done. You have to turn on the faucet. The faucet is the control center.
Are you still with me?
Find the control center in the woman. Start with the conversation (that’s the talking part, remember?); from there, you can find your way to the other stuff.
Basically, a vagina is a complex organism controlled by an even more complex organism…a woman. But trust me, if you take the time to figure it out, your life (and ours) will be a whole lot easier.
So I’m sure you’re wondering how my husband responded to my list of rules. The same way he responds to everything…in as few words as possible. Hey, it’s all good. For as little as he said, I’m pretty sure he got the point.
A vagina has a whole lot of rules, but what it all comes down to is this…
Vaginas rule!
Comments welcome, retweets and mentions loved.
You should follow Erica on her blog here, Twitter and Facebook. Somehow she blogs every day and still has a family and like, three books in submission with agents. I think she’s part Borg.
Be sure to join me back here on Saturday, 10/22 for Blog Tour de Force to win your free copy of THE EVIL WITHIN horror anthology as well as all twelve participating authors’ books AND a chance at a free Kindle. Yea, baby.