My Lifeless Season: I Lost My Baby Son To SIDS by guest @RSGuthrie
By RS Guthrie
My Difficult Mother by guest @mollydcampbell
If you’ve read many of the guest posts here, you’ll know they are about real-life experiences that shape us. Humorist (and two-time Erma Bombeck Award Winner) Molly Campbell shows us the real life difficulties of growing up with an emotionally distant mom and how it has affected her in a myriad of ways. Molly, thank you for your candor and honesty.
BROKEN PIECES Now Available on Amazon! (No Kindle Required)
Well, it’s finally here!
THE LITTLE SNARK BOOK THAT DID
Christmas has come and gone.
The clean-up fairy is hungover from partying with the elves.
Slut.
The stuff that was hung by the chimney with care is now strewn about the living room no matter how much I try to clean it up by wiggling my nose.
I’m under deadline and have a migraine.
The boy needs a bath and the tween is sick — again.
My poor husband is drowning in Legos and even his old man glasses aren’t helping.
I’d kill for a double martini about now. Or a double caffeine shot. Hmmm…
I think I’ve watched too much That 70s Show. I’m this close to finding out where Fez is from, dammit.
The good news?
My first book, A Walk In The Snark is actually ranked higher on the Amazon charts than Shit My Dad Says AND Go The Fuck To Sleep.
Me. My little Snark book. Say What…The Fuck? Or is it holy shit? #teehee
(That’s just so much fun to say.)
Me: Babe, my book is ranked higher than the Shit and Fuck books. Hus: Haven’t we discussed cursing in front of the children?
Sigh.
How did I get here? Through my unnonsupermodel good looks? No. Because I’m a marketing genius? Well, maybe. Naw, kidding.
But I do work with smart people. And okay, I do know a few things.
I hear from authors all the time they’re disappointed a particular promotion didn’t work, or that after a few weeks of tweeting, they’re upset they haven’t sold more books. Some discuss poor Amazon sales but have no reviews up…um, what?
Snap out of it!
When you’re an indie author, it’s on you to make all that stuff work. So make it work! Don’t blame others if you’re books aren’t selling. DO SOMETHING about it.
There are tons of resources out there to help you: there’s me, the IBC, John Locke’s book, the book I cowrote w/ Carolyn & Amber called Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-Publishing Success (it’s a buck, people); webinars, novel publicity firms, google, Kindle boards, Twitter #hashtags like #amwriting and #pubwrite discussions, Facebook groups, and more.
I do tons of stuff, all the time, every day, across many platforms. Lots of different promos. Google ad words. Have an active, consistent social media presence on Twitter, Facebook, and I pretend to do stuff on Goodreads. 🙂 I have mentors (Carolyn McCray, Amber Scott, Jessica Swift, Sean Gardner, and a few others) who teach me all kinds of great stuff. My friends and fans are supportive and amazing. Book bloggers and reviewers have been critically important.
All those factors have gelled over this past year to make Snark a hit. Which still kind of boggles my mind. But the main thing…the thing that really helped me?
KDP Select. Yup. Evil Amazon and their new evil program, if you listen to the naysayers.
Listen, it was an easy choice for me. 93% of my profits this year from Snark came from Amazon, so the choice was easy for me to sign up my two books. I picked the five days before Christmas to have Snark go free. (Thanks for the advice, Carolyn).
Why Snark and not my latest release, The Manode: Exposed? Easy. I had history already. It had the better ranking. It had visibility. It had the most reviews, likes, and tags. It had already reached #1 on the Motherhood list fifteen times. I was already entrenched in Amazon’s recommendation queue.
My point: go in smart. Don’t expect miracles.
So what happened? I had over 10,000 free downloads. Decent, right? I thought so. For me. Lots of people have gone free and had ten times that many. Other people have gone free and had a few hundred. So I’m pretty happy with it.
The bigger deal is Snark ended up #1 on a bunch o’ lists: Motherhood, Family Relationships, Parenting and Family, Top Rated, and in the Top 5 or 10 or Advice/How-To, Humor, Non-Fiction, etc. etc.
So do the downloads make a difference? I’m not paid on them. How does it work after the free part is over?
When you port back over to paid, you hopefully take the rankings with you. So…did I?
Not initially. I went back over around #4900 overall; however, I took the listings with me…after a day or two. I was #1 across the board in three categories and listed on about ten lists. But as of this writing, I’m around 400! Funny, I don’t feel that old. Bah, dum, bum.
As for sales, I’m averaging about forty sales of Snark/day now. Way more than ever before, when my average was ten. This has carried over to Mancode; where I was selling maybe four/day, I’m now selling about eight.
Lending has also increased. My total lends goes up hourly it seems. I haven’t broken 500 yet, but it won’t be long. Not huge numbers, but again, it’s all about the rankings.
Bottom line: great experience. The exposure has been amazing. Sure, if exposure paid my rent, I’d be thrilled but it doesn’t. But it leads to great things. Think about it: 10,000 downloads. If even 10% of those people left reviews for me…#whoa. Even 1%!
If you’re in this whole thing to make a ton of money, find a day job. Despite numbers like these, it’s not enough to make a living…yet. I also only have two books out (plus the one I’ve cowritten and the two anthologies I’ve contributed to…but still…). I’m now working on my third.
In the meantime, I help other authors with their social media campaigns. That’s how I make a bit more money. If you want personalized, customized advice, let me know (email me at [email protected]) and I’ll give you my rate and more specifics of what I can do for you.
I also teach free webinars for the Indie Book Collective each month — first Tuesday of every Monday at 5:45pm PST via webinar. Next week it’s on Tuesday, 1/3. Sign up at [email protected]
So has it been worth it?
Ya think?
(This is only my experience. Yours could have been/may be entirely different. Would love to hear your thoughts below.)
You know where to find me and all that stuff, right?
THE MAN SHOP
This one is for the guys, but I encourage all chicks to read. You’ll see why in a sec. I usually think about my gifts for my man, e.g., a custom SCUF Gaming controller or a new wallet. However, men are not like that.
If you’re at all like my guy, this is how he holiday shops:
Him: Babe, give me your Christmas list so I know what to get you.
Me: Um, okay.
Granted, there’s not much joy and romance in this process, but after nineteen years, it kinda works. I will admit, I adore surprises (especially when accompanied by a gift receipt), and find it thrilling when my man deviates from the list. It not only shows me that he’s got some life left in him in the romance department, but some spark in trying to please his woman.
After all, the list is his idea, not mine.
If you are looking for some gift ideas, stuff that’s sure to please your chick, look no further. I’m a total product whore. Of course, a pair of black Pradas is always appreciated (by both parties, #ahem), but if your budget is not quite that expansive, here are my recs. *Note: none of these companies pay me. I simply like their stuff.
1) Fresh Brown Sugar Body Polish (available at Sephora): This is one of my all-time favorite body products, EVER. It’s actually made from brown sugar. You chick will use it in the shower as an exfoliator (sloughs off the dead skin) and it will make her smooth, soft and she’ll smell like a delicious cookie, but better. I also use it as a scalp massage and lip scrub.
It’s normally priced at $60 but they have a terrific holiday set with three products: the body polish, body cream & lip treatment for $76. In girl math, this is a good deal. (It’s on my guy’s list, for sure.)
2) iPhone: We women love our gadgets (I’m talking tech, ya pervs). Get her the damn iPhone, already. The increase in my productivity is unbelievable. I can blog, read, write, check stats, Skype, consult with clients, and more. If you’re feeling flush, throw in the MacBook Air. I can’t tell you the difference in my writing life going from an HP to this wonder machine. The capabilities are mind-bottling (sorry, couldn’t help myself #BladesOfGlory).
3) MAC Cosmetics: I know, scary: buying makeup for your chick. But the fabulous folks at MAC make it SO easy! Buy anything from their holiday collection and your girl will love it. OR purchase any lipstick from their VIVA GLAM Collection and 100% of the proceeds go to help support people living with HIV/AIDS. (The new color is Gaga Glam — pretty.)
4) Uggs: People say Uggs are out of style, but I say cold feet always need to get warm. (Do you really want those ice cold toes on you?) I love the original Uggs. They don’t get stinky like the fakes. I’ve tried them all, believe me, and one real pair can last a few years. THAT’S a good investment in both Girlworld and Manland. A pair of classic boots will set you back about $160. Man up, dude. Probably too late to buy them online, so I suggest Altitude Sports . They have by far the best selection and even some sale items if you have to justify the purchase in your man mind.
5) Jo Malone: Hands down, my favorite fragrance line, ever. If you’re unfamiliar, Jo Malone uses aromatic oils to create different scents for women to wear individually or to mix and create our own. I wear Lime, Basil, Mandarin ($55 for a small bottle) and have for many, many years. It’s the only scent my little guy knows, which I kinda dig.
I occasionally mix it with Grapefruit or Tuberose. Check out the site and see what appeals, though it’s truly a sensual experience to go to the store and play with all the scents and see what you like or what she likes. They’re extraordinarily generous with their samples — see what appeals to her and let her wear it for awhile. I literally have hundreds of vials of different samples. I told you they were generous and their packaging is a gift in itself. (Their boxes are amazing. I keep them.)
You can order direct or go to Nordstrom, Neiman’s or Saks.
Additional thoughts: I have a love/hate relationship with clothing from Nordstrom, but I’ve always kinda felt it was more of a gift for men. I prefer to buy it for myself because I know what’s flattering on me. If you want to encourage your woman to purchase some, buy her a gift certificate to somewhere classy, like Nordstrom or GapBody, which has affordable, soft, pretty things — not Victoria’s Secret or god forbid, Frederick’s. #justsayin’
Also, if it says Chanel on it, in any way, shape, or form — she will love it. Doesn’t have to be a handbag (though, whoa dude. Your Saturday nights are SET for the year). Even a compact is lovely. Mascara is awesome. Lipstick or nail polish in a pretty Chanel bag — oh yea. Kind of a no-brainer. Even the woman who isn’t into designer labels welcomes Chanel.
Finally, enjoy your holidays. You’re been a wonderful group to me this year, so I want to show you my thanks: if you haven’t had a chance yet to purchase A WALK IN THE SNARK, I’VE MADE IT COMPLETELY FREE on Amazon the next five days as my gift to all of you (this Monday 12-19 thru Friday 12/23)!
Remember, no Kindle is required to download an Amazon book — simple download the free Amazon Kindle app for your smartphone, PC, laptop, tablet, or cloud. Then off you go go, baby. Read away.
And THE MANCODE: EXPOSED is only 99cents thru Christmas as a part of the Indie Book Collective’s Indie Book Blowout sales event. Hundreds of books, 140 authors, have priced our books at only 99 cents to help you purchase presents for friends and family or load up your new Kindles or Kindle apps! There’s also a free Kindle prize and free Amazon gift cards giveaway every day. Be sure to click on the site each day.
So Happy Chrismakuh everyone and I’ll see you next Monday! I’ll be around on social media of course and you can find me on my blog tour the next few weeks to help get the word out about my new Mancode book (I’m also offering a free Kindle — just comment at any point in the blog tour and you’re automatically entered for the random drawing at the end) — so check out my reviews and interviews schedule here: VirtualBookTourCafe.com and find out cool stuff I’ve never revealed before…
I’m also honored to be the featured author on TWO blogs this Tuesday: author Terri Guiliano’s (bestseller In Leah’s Wake) blog –she asked me amazing questions — as well as the award-winning review blog Reviews and Interviews by Lisa Hazelton — another fun one, for sure. I hope you’ll check them out. And a visit to The Mind of Omegia on Thursday — a blast also.
Now, go dream of sugar plums or something.
